bruh ive always thought i was ugly growin up but now i don't feel im really ugly it's just that my self-esteem is f***ed and i got problems with self hatred

This happened to me on the old site 2 years ago and I just stopped using it. And here I was thinking the new site would be any different. Clearly, I'm a fool. Once I get done venting and arguing with these clowns like an idiot I'm just gonna log out until the block feature comes back at minimum because right now this site is unusable for me.

Thanks man. means a lot for you to reply to me like that

I feel existential dread sometimes.

There’s so many people in the world that wished they had the things I do, yet I am still unhappy with myself.

The ability to walk and talk are blessings in their own right, but I’m over here stressing over the most insignificant things.

medication ain't helping

had a whole ass 2 hours of recurring panic attacks felt like my heart was abt to give out
s*** was exhausting as hell and made me feel like ill never have control or get s*** done

I’m officially ready to die. That doesn’t mean I’m killing myself soon, but if I was ever to be in danger, I’ll just accept it as fate and not fight it

Try a different one and keep searching. Oftentimes the first one you take really ain’t the one. Speaking from experience.

There is nothing for me anywhere

Loneliness got me f***ed up

this is true if you keep telling yourself this. we all need to understand that it's this kind of harmful self-talk that's making us feel even worse.

someone said it on here already but "fake it til you make it" is a legit cliche. force yourself to be positive, even if it feels weird or unnatural. do that s*** for a while and it'll stick and grow. negativity is a spiral, positivity is a staircase.

just a few weeks ago i was googling most efficient ways to kill yourself. began looking around the internet for the tools i needed. hell, even wrote a suicide note just to see how it feels. bro... i even do s*** like not wear a seatbelt or dont turn on the wipers during rain because i feel similarly to you.

BUT – today, im not as low as i was the other month. today im fighting to be alive. why? because this s*** is a pendulum. some days you gonna be at rock bottom. but the best part about rock bottom is that you can only go up from there.

i promised myself i'd start new medication and see a therapist. maybe you should consider the same. what im trying to say is that what you're feeling right now is much different than what you're going to be feeling weeks, months, or even years from now.

i can relate.

speaking of existential dread – just the other day i was talking to my friend about how life just seems too long and i dont have the strength to go for much longer. it all seems so tiring. what's the point? it doesnt seem like there is one.

but those feelings were only attached to that specific moment in time. a good night's rest, some time spent with friends, a good meal, a funny video, some good music, etc. all reminded me that there is so much to be experienced, so much to enjoy in this life. everything is a gift, whether it be the smile you received from the person you passed on the street or the haunting intro on JIK. everything.

don't think your stresses are insignificant or "unworthy." what you're going through is real. train your brain to cherish what you have by committing to some sort of gratitude-boosting habit. every morning or night write down 3 things you're grateful for. that s*** builds, trust me. you'll start noticing the little gifts in your life a lot more. it's an exercise that def helped me.

my solution to self hatred and self esteem issues – these are the things i prolly struggle with the most – is doing things that you're good at. the kind of things that give you confidence or offer a healthy ego boost.

i have my own radio show where i interview chefs, restauranteurs, sommeliers, bartenders, etc in the city where i live. i've definitely gotten better at it and people have praised me for my aptitude in this position. this really helps me love myself more and gives me the confidence to believe in myself.

what are you good at? what things come naturally to you? even if you deny it, those things are out there. find them, start small, and build them into something that can make you feel good about yourself.

I know what you mean man. My friends are hitting internships and job offers left and right, and I feel like I'm in just one big apathetic puddle. Like some kinda ghost floating through life.

I honestly think college just made it more isolated

i did the same when i was down. i would never commit suicide because it wouldn't feel fair to my family & close friends.
i just accepted death and if a accident happens, i would be happy dying in it. I would raise the chances that an accident would happen and just hope it would kill me.
Now I've found the medication that kind of works on me, and I've moved back home just to take it easy some time.

What I realised when I was that down was the meaning of my life - my life is fulfilled if my family and people around me thinks something like "damn, he really lived his life and didn't give a f***." "damn, he really went in" etc. Like being a good memory to them, and also me being happy with myself that I lived each day like it was my last (so cliche but yea)

But think about it... raising the chances for your death and not caring is still a form of desiring death — like suicide. It still wouldn’t be fair to family or friends. However, you sound very introspective and you have clearly thought about your situation critically, which is good; some people literally don’t give a s*** at all.

Take care of yourself, bud.

Yeah, I see your point. I have stopped raising the chances, i.e not looking left&right for cars when crossing the road, I now do all that stuff.
But yeah, I do think the only thing that gives life meaning is death. That we someday won't be able to see our friends & family again. So to (kind of, don't exaggerate lol) treat your friends and family like it's the last time you see them, could be more positive than a negative thought. U get me?

You too bro damn bad mental health is so f***ing real it's scary. You think crazy and scary thoughts when you're at rock bottom

i think thats actually a really beautiful thought about death giving meaning and to treat those you love like it were the last

Officially diagnosed as Bipolar today. Feel so sad and surreal almost.

Lost the girl of my dreams because of all this.

Can only hope with my medication the next 21 years will be better than the last 21 years.

I just want my time and my mind intact
When they both gone, you can't buy 'em back

Thanks bro I kinda wanna write a book about it

man its days i feel like cutting is the only way to get rid of this feeling

like theres no other way for me to release i must have to bleed this s*** out