You good man?

It takes time but you'll figure out who you are, I went through that for years myself. As long as you're thinking about it you'll get there. Just have to keep trying different things and see what sticks

I am good like in this moment but pretty sure I am bipolar idk it sucks
Been stuck in a loop for years now

I feel you my mom is bipolar/schizophrenic s*** isn't easy, are you on any meds?

Nah, I kinda don't wanna fw meds tbh. I was prescribed antidepressants last year but I didn't stick with them

Same I tried some but they just felt like sugar pills

Truthfully what worked for me is drinking a copious amount for like 6 months, really showed me what I really wanted inside since it cut down the anxiety

I wouldn't suggest it necessarily but it did work for me

try any psychedelics?

I only took them for a week so I didn't really see like completely what it could do for me I just decided I don't wanna be dependent on it and also don't want side effects
Also I'm lowkey an alcoholic rn lmao, drinking atleast 4 times a week
I tried acid twice and it was amazing but like even if come to breakthroughs on it I always go back to how I already was
I have definitely gotten better with time I think but it's more just numbing it rather then actually fixing it

Yeah you definitely have to use them for longer to see the positives. I've just seen medication screw people so I have a negative perspective on it which has caused me to go the self medicating route.

When you're drinking just grab a pen and try to write down ideas or things that come across your mind, use it as a time to shape your perspective.
Try MDMA before? That really helped me as well

Anything you're working toward or is there something that interests you that you've been wanting to do for a while?

I dont really get inspired like that when im drunk tbh it can go anyway either im like happy asg regular or depressed asf lol
Ima try to get some acid tho its been a little while since I tripped think it could do me some good and nah never tried molly
I love music tho and I make songs sometimes but don't release them cus they're not really good tbh, but I'm planning on going to school for audio engineering September if I make the right moves money wise

Fair enough, Do you smoke weed? I noticed when I stopped I felt a bit better but person dependent obviously

I would recommend some molly honestly, you get the benefits of acid but with some rose tinted glasses on

Just keep working on it man, you'll improve over time that's how anything goes lol. Seems like you have more of an idea of who you are then you think.

I'm popping off right now but feel free to shoot me a DM whenever, always available to bounce thoughts off of

Oh yeah I used to smoke a lot, s*** started getting me schizophrenic basically though so I cut that out, I only smoke like once a month now at most when im drunk if I'm sober I'm too paranoid
I appreciate the convo though man, have a good night bro

Bro I been SO tired and exhausted s*** crazy

Im getting off this lexapro man i could sleep for 10 hours and still wanna sleep more

I’m done with this person, been too good to them to be treated like s*** again and this time feels like the final straw
I’ve said this before, but I really think I’m done as they consistently make me feel shot about myself and I can’t go running back this time

try shrooms or MDMA like my boy said. I drink a lot of alcohol well not as much as I used to I used to drink everyday during work and everything idgaf functional alcoholic. alcohol lowers your spiritual iq bro its really hard o think clearly and make proper decisions with a clouded mind. d**** like shrooms and MDMA the next day im glowing bro im not sick and hung over when done properly there is much to gain from them unlike alcohol they raise your spiritual iq they allow you to think and view things in a way that you just can't when you're sober and its not like other d**** where you're like ohh I want more. you're like holy f*** wtf was that I need like a week or two to process what just happened to me and how can I integrate this into my life. im not saying d**** are the answer but theres definitely stupid d**** and d**** that can help you.

also the music thing bro you can do that s***. ofc your not really good you're an amateur bro but like any skill the more you do it the better you get at it. Music need to be a lifestyle if you're serious you need to do something everyday to the point where it becomes routine and second nature. personally I think going to school for music is a waste of time and money you can just use that money and dump it into equipment. you have the university of youtube at your fingertips if you're for reals just get busy bro you'll get better. trust the process. even if you dont get good at music (*and thats just not possible if you keep working towards it) if you invest in a stu you can make money off that alone

I wanna try shrooms but they're pretty rare around here

Haven't woke up with energy in so so long

So tired of living like a f***ing ghost

These aren’t late night sad thoughts these are real. I can explain

These arent sleepless nights, up till 6AM sad thoughts these are real. I will explain

Another one of those nights

I had the hardest time last night and maybe it was cause I just disconnected from alot.

It was my first time reading any of our previous conversations in half a year...

It sucks alot, just reading back on the last conversation is tough. it was so somber I guess.

we deadass used to talk all the f***ing time lol. like, I gave up scrolling backwards cause it seemed like forever and then id check the date and itd change by a day lmao.

and thats was made me sad. i am totally disconnected from reality, i never replaced you. i should have. I never really addressed all of the issues that created, what even led me to that place or even here