yeah maybe my reactions recently not been the best and i could temper it a bit more. i am not built the same as you I cant survive separated from people

and its been 6 months... I put up my own barriers and hid behind my own walls honestly. the self confidence is real, but im not gonna lie its a wall too... so much s*** happened in the last half year, so much bad s***.

imagine winning the world and job lottery but losing almost everything else along the way that matters. some of it my fault, some of it just blindsided me.

so during those months I shouldve replaced you instead I did what I tend to do and just bottled s*** up. its not sustainable longterm. I dont feel like I can really talk to people though, its like around march-april a switch went off and sigh it got bad. the best months of my life were simultaneously my worst and I cant even unload about it. I tried

the only reason I was even lookin at our history was cause some dude scammed me a while back and when I went searchin his account showed up as deleted lol.

i know you probably resent me alot, i get it. i understand, i think in a way it was like my way of getting back at you for silence. so in that i apologize for the harshness

hopefully your 2021 was better than mine i helped in the only way i could in december

I’m so fkd up rn haven’t refilled my script for like a week bc cbf

I went 6 months without meds I needed, dont be like me
just take some time to collect yourself and grab em please

I wonder if ptsd can affect your memories

Is there anyway to know that? I want to know but I’m scared to Google it, idk why but I’m worried it’d trigger. Truth be told even typing this out is bleh

But I think I’m forgetting pieces of unrelated childhood stuff because it’s around that time

Ayy THATS that s*** that makes a grown man cry. I can’t process this stuff, it f***ing haunts me like a piece of me is forever faulty

yes it is very possible to suffer memory loss as a sign of ptsd

Yeah…

yeah

I’m cleaning up.

Living between two extremes of pessimism and optimism for most of my life has been exhausting.

I feel the lowest I ever been

Death calling my name

Guys I’m proud to say I’ve been 6 months free of self harming :)

What’s wrong ?

we will get through it man

you can dm me anytime if you ever wanna talk/link up

I got a psych evaluation July 12th but i keep thinking it’s far too late for me. like this is legitimately torture, i don’t even feel hungry anymore

I understand why people drink and smoke to cope now more then ever.

It use to like confuse me but now i totally f***ing get it

It’s not too late man, proper steps to get the help you need

I’m not mad at you but people are still using that video you posted from way back.

I have a lot of s*** going on, i am so exhausted emotionally

Are you serious? That s*** was so old but I understand I’m sorry about that man

Its okay, not your fault.

It’s whatever. like i keep it in mind that it was so old and whatever. It’s like funny dumb teenage bullshit. but it gets like piled on with so much other s*** and it feels like i’m never able to have like legitimate seen growth or anything, it’s just frustrating.

Yeah. I feel you

I just want peace

Same man, it's like is it worth living if I'm just bouncing back and forth all the while making no progress at all??
So tired of running

Also so tired of being tired
Every
F***ing
Day