i used to be diagnosed with schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder. i had to take an injection of haldol, an antipsychotic medication every month between 2021-2025. not anymore. i only took it because when i was hospitalized back in 2021, the doctors told me i could only be discharged if i took it. my current diagnosis is bipolar disorder. i never had psychosis which i thought i had back in 2006 when i had an overwhelming response after waking up from a vivid nightmare. i've been mentally stable since 2007, except when i was hospitalized in 2012, 2017, and 2021 because i had mania.

Lying next to my sleeping and snoring partner.
I don’t feel good.
I don’t know how I feel.
I wanna break up.
I wanna end my life.
I am not doing any of does things.
But I just don’t know how I feel.
Maybe I am afraid to feel how I feel.
Feels like I have cut off my feelings.
Sometimes when my partner and me are arguing and I just begin talking with thinking or controlling myself, I find myself amazed that the thoughts from my head turns to emotions when I find ways of expressing them.

Haven’t smoked weed since the beginning of April, I used to smoke all the time and try and control my emotions and mental state with weed.

3rd session with the therapist was yesterday and I couldn’t have been so happy.

We spent the majority of the time talking about past relationships and seeing various perspectives of my actions.

What I took out of it was I can’t expect to fall in love if I’m not being vulnerable and just doing it as a means to entertain myself. Also have barriers, confront feelings if you actually like someone, and don’t keep following people who rejected you for your own sake

Kinda wanna give up on reading philosophy. Who tf knows wtf is going for real

My therapist really put the battery in my back to say “nah f*** that” to people

Summertime sadness

Read fiction it’s dope as hell.

know your worth. i forgot mine for a while by hanging out with people who didn't value my time and presence.

it speaks volumes when you feel more alone with someone rather than actually being on your own.

i don't feel bad stealing from my dad when he didn't do s*** for my birthday, not even a text :(

Idk wtf is going on but my body feels like there’s 1000 bees crawling through my veins

are u okay?

Yeah I’m good now I guess it’s because I went a long gap without taking my meds (Zoloft). Idk why but I start having symptoms of withdrawal once the end of the day comes sometimes

It’s not even a full 24 hour gap and I was bugging all night & today. Took some propanol and it calmed me down a bit but I still feel exhausted but restless so idk. Not the first time it happened and it sucks

Plus it probably didn’t help I took pre workout b4 the gym

s*** man i didn't know that ssri/snri could do that?

I forgot alcohol withdrawal existed

After some thinking its 100% because I’ve been sober 🥸

I do. Tryna read a bit of everything

Nice. Might I recommend the Sun eater series

I’m about one serious life event away from completely unraveling

I got em today

I get an injection every three months

I dont care about real life i dont care about real life

the last several taxi drivers that spoke to me have all either been shocked or damn near started crying themselves asking about my life. it feels like some dark comedy parody at this point. last guy got out of the car just to hug me and say he’ll pray for me. im not even sad talking about my life since whats done is done but seeing in real time when strangers feel this bad listening to you does really feel like the most clear mirror to my situation. everyone i had is dead and im just waiting for my grandpa to pass so i can die as well finally