I dont know what I did wrong

I dont understand people

Just want to be happy

The nights used to feel warm, but they've been getting colder

Melancholic sunday

Niggas just in here venting, huh? Well, I’m overwhelmed and so numb to a lot of s***. I work full-time as a salaried manager, I have a photography/videography business that’s been getting a lot of traction, I’m on the payroll at church, and they keep getting me involved with s***. I guess I don’t know how to turn s*** down. Due to being overwhelmed, I would lean towards p*** to take my mind off things but that has been replaced with s***addiction I guess. I stepped outside of my relationship and now I got other women attached to me that I have to spend time on. S***therapy ain’t really helping either, but I’m trying.

I feel like I need a reset. I would never kill myself, but I definitely be wanting to get away at times. Separate from everyone and their expectations of me

Remember, you aren’t always at fault. Sometimes no one is. I’m not saying you should stop looking inwards, but a lot of people have mistreated me, and made me feel like i was at fault.

Does anyone know how to tell when an adderall dose is too much. I went from 10 - 20 mg xr, and i feel borderline stimulant high at times. My productivity and drive has improved, but I’ve had trouble sleeping, and felt more emotional and sad at times, like I did on 0 adderall.

I have been getting paranoid lately, but I also have good reason to be.

Take a few days off from everything, and get some rest. Spend some time thinking about what parts of your life do and don’t fulfill you.

In life you gotta look out for yourself. Take people asking you to take on extra responsibilities as a sign that they respect And trust you, but know that they’ll still feel that way if you can’t help them. And if they don’t? Then they’re just using you.

It sounds like you do a lot for the people in your life and that’s all well and good, but if you give all of yourself away, there wont be anything left. Id probably drop the church commitment.

Thank you for your advice and input. Great perspective

Happiness comes from within. It sounds corny but fr. Loving yourself changes everything. Tap into what makes you happy and love life, then pursue that relentlessly. In 2021 and early 2022 I hated my life, but I realized it was because of my circumstances. Changed all the circumstances (wasn’t necessarily easy btw) but my life has changed for better 100%. I really hope this helps dude. All love

anger can feel like such a dumbass emotion sometimes, especially when you know you technically shouldn’t be mad but you can’t help it anyway. now you gotta do all this nonlinear self-reflection to get where you already know where to go which is usually just some form of “just don’t be mad”

Haven’t smoked weed in 2 months n im noticeably sharper mentally but ngl I be bored. Much more nicotine.

Saw some quote awhile ago that said boredom is an insult to your intelligence you’ll fill the time with something im sure

I used to get books from the library and be like yeah im gonna knock these out this week after work, but when id smoke id inevitably just end up playing video games. Now I get to those books much more consistently but in the back of my mind it’s like damn I could totally smoke and do this. Already feeling like I have so many brain cells back tho, let’s keep going fam

F*** I’ve been wanting to end it all lately

I think I'm just going to go back to shutting the f*** up and bottling up my emotions...

sigh. will have to be better

Life is weird.

I can't say I'm 'depressed' as I havent' been diagnosed by a doctor but I am seeing a therapist in a couple months so hopefully some part of life will start to make sense.

I tend to recluse a lot, I have friends, but don't see them every day. I don't even talk to people that much every day - just girls I be talking to.

I've pulled back a lot of my interests, found collecting records to be something I'm into now, but at times I feel like I just compulsively spend money (takeout, clothes, records) on things when in reality I should be saving more.

The spending thing comes from the end of my last relationship where I was just cashing out because I was going into crisis and trying to save the relationship - since it ended I feel a lot more like myself, but also a lot more 'lonely' - however I prefer the idea of being by myself than that of the idea of being around people.

I see people on social media parading that they're out and enjoying summer with their friends and sometimes I wonder should I be doing that? Should I be seeing my friends? But the reality of it is that I just prefer doing s*** by myself, which makes me feel isolated in a way.

I'm gonna try take up cooking again starting from tomorrow to claw back some of my savings, maybe see a doctor (I think I have asthma but long story), and try get my s*** back under control.

Either that or I'm just changing careers and 'locking in' til I buy a house or some s***. Idk.

The hard part about living with depression is the constant ups and downs. I felt like over the past month I felt some things starting to get better. Friends, my daughters mom, family, etc. That first domino to fall, kickstarting a spiral feels terrible. I feel so numb. I feel like my confidence, motivation, and spirit are going to go through it again. I'm so f***ing scared.

Toughest part is hiding it all from my daughter. It's hard to feel like a good dad when I'm forcing myself to smile. What if she sees the pain in my eyes? Or her dad constantly feeling like s***. I try my best to keep going and shield her from my depression. I'm not religious by any means but I pray she doesn't ever have to deal with this.

Thank you all for listening, reading, skimming, whatever. As stupid as it might be this is the only place I actually let things out. Nobody knows me, nobody judges. So again, thank you. I believe in everyone's journey and wish you all the best this week and always. Hoping things get better. I just want to feel like myself again.

My brain is killing me

Summer, the heat, the noise, the constant sun.
The people close to me don’t understand why it’s stressing me.

I am traveling to Paris for 2 weeks and it is stressing me and I am afraid.
I don’t feel that I can talk to my partner about this anymore then I already am, because it will tamper with my partners joy of going on vacation.

It’s so hard for people without mental illness to understand why a vacation can be stressful and create allot of bad thoughts.

I just wanna get high get a break from everything

Do you do therapy? Seems like some CBT or DBT can really help. It’s takes a lot of work but the teachings really help with uncomfortable thoughts

When you think about clawing your eyes out

I’m mad depressed in need of a caramel colored baddie to throw it back on me…

Use my tears as lube

Lemme lie and say I’m just sweating even though I did no work

You can kill me after, life complete after that because wtf is this