lol it wasn’t

Update:

Was all torn up cause of family thing

KANYE SHOUTED SPITTA OUT AND IM FANGIRLING VERY HARD OVER IT

IM GETTING THAT S*** FRAMED FAM

BROOO THAT WAS ILL 🛩

Who got banned today?

ktt been hitting lately bc

Going celibate for a few months. Girls are distracting

Too focused on my bag and my gains especially 🦍

she's so pretty

its completely f***ing horrifying that people will even bring up s*** like this as if its REMOTELY similar to somebody's partner preferences

@mods if im not allowed to post about this topic at all, just lmk and ill take down whatever & will refrain from posting anymore about it until we are able to talk about it as a community civilly. its just really getting to me tbh and i feel like i dont have anybody i can vent to about this. not tryna skirt around ur rules / thread locks. just saying whats on my mind

Pls bro i need to feel good again this is awful

i promise you there will be another day where you feel better than this

i be laughing one second and feel like absolute dogshit the next

She wants to be my baby and have my babies can you even relate?

This aint nothing tbh im that nigga so it comes w the territory

Early in the AM wanted to talk my s***

its such a vein thing to do
like what is beauty really? what makes it really that important? do people really believe being "more" beautiful makes your life easier and cooler?

i wouldnt change anything honestly am happy how i look

to give ya an idea;
when i was experiencing my ASD depressive EP/Burnout, all i really really needed was someone to listen and be there for me, but nobody wanted to
All everyone wanted to talk about was sex/beauty

In my mind, i was a rotten zombie and could barely even function normally again, i was trapped looking from within

AND STILL ALL THE PEOPLE COULD TALK TO ME ABOUT WAS BEAUTY/SEX
Everytime i hit friend up;
"yo i seen u doin well lately and u lookin real good too, yeah i seen ur girl too she looking nice-
Anyways, i met these girls, tell me what do to do? What parfum smells great? Would i tell her this or that, tell me what would u say? Do u think she would like this joke or clothing piece?"

Everytime i wanted to reach out and talk, all people ever talked about was beauty/sex, why?
Cause they assume if u "looking" good ur doing very well, cause as soon as a mfer would bring his stress to the table, they always shut down or switch subjects

The worst part about this is once you’re openly gay you are marginalized simply for being gay. Look at how much disrespect Tyler had to face when he was alluding to having gay feelings in contrast to actually being in a straight relationship.

Find better friends and treasure them

like fr i even wondered
i was a mess and looking like a huge mess, huge black rings underneath my eyes, could barely fit new fresh clothes every day or even do basic hygiene, i couldnt even look up or walk straight

YET....

even at my very lowest, somehow people still wanted to talk to me on the streets, females were staring heavy af(i got like invited to 2 threesomes... One was even 2 random girls, that spotted me AT NIGHT(as i was roaming the city looking for a piece of mind), they literally honked their car and invited me in....

It totally didnt make any sense to me?
i just felt more isolated tbh and even worse about myself(trauma coping/inferior compl)
it was a complete personality crash

but its there i really realized, that there is nobody out there that is ever going to willingly listen to ur problems
When at first i was too black to be taken srs enough
Its now like;
"ow damn, u aint worked a day in ur life, u looking good and music takin off, u lucky f***er, u shouldnt even be complaining specially not as a black person..."

just sad, that even when i was in total destruction mode, nobody could offer a helpin hand on my shoulder
all they needed was help, FOR THEMSELVES smh

ive come to conclusion that finding genuine good friends in a country thats spinning on major racial prejudice, is going to be nearly impossible

i can tell u right now, hand on my heart;
25yrs of living here, i had maybe 1 only true good friend

this behavior has been going on since kindergarten tbh
even so called best friends, in the heat of the moment would ditch me because who wants to defend the "weird" black guy ya know

just devoting my life to myself for now

ow yeah almost forgot;
yesterday i was talkin with ma girl on the phone when a random dude asked me if i was illegal???

How long i had been living here? and if i even had a house to stay.....

racism, u gotta love it

cant even sit on a park bench to make an easy call