I'm having suicidal thoughts again ... the last few years have been god awful

Sending love to everybody itt

im losing my mind again , my mother hates me

ive screamed and cried all night I keep pretending to my girl that everything is ok but I actually think is my last year on here

sometimes I had harsh opinions on ktt2 and said things just to edgy and im very sorry

but I dont f***ing know what do anymore

i have no money I can't get a job that lasts I have so much debt

and I keep playing it cool to make my girl not worry but I dont I can do it

not this time

3 grand in debt , living alone since my father died and having to survive in a f***ing country that loves tourists and screws everybody that lives here

f*** all this , f*** all this pain

why do I f***ing live in all this pain

working for a lot of years for what ????

I can't have no long lasting connections because Im deeply depressed

hid my life f***ing depressed with hoes and doing crazy stuff just to feel anything and now what I can't hide anymore

all these posts and im probably only getting a mute

my mother was responsible for my fathers death and I have to live with that s***

its not her fault tho

her parents weren't really there and that messed up how she treated me and treats people , I shouldn't be angry at her because she doesn't know better

if anything comes from this s*** please treat people better , if you have kids dont abandon him

make them feel they're loved , dont let them get in the hole im in , im 27 and I didnt have nobody supporting me

I fought for a better life that never happened

want to hear a funny story ? first time I was like this was a year ago

I told my ex and she got scared and called the police with fear I would kill myself

they were with me for an hour and got me to talk to a psychiatrist via phone

the psychiatrist told me they would call me again the next weeks to help me and see I was ok

I thought that people really cared about me and it got a little better

you know what happened next? my ex moved to Germany alone and got angry with me because I didnt want to move with her , when she has the support of her parents and I dont have any money In my pockets to move to another country her parents weren't going to pay my bills how would I survive

and the funniest part ? the psychiatrist never called again , they just said that so I wouldn't kill myself that day

nobody cares about me

anyway if you love somebody show them

protect your family and your friends at all cost

if you have kids treat them like you want to be treated

my life is some pile of garbage

find help , tell somebody close to you , its too late for me

I love all of you anyway , please find help

time for my 8th antidepressant

it's too f***ing cold

sometimes the best understanding is 2 not understand (if that makes sense😅)

N just being there with no words makes a big difference💎

Y’all know what’s wild though?

we each got our own vices that we dealing with....it would be dope if we come together and be genuinely cool with each other💎

No words.

Love from this way as well I see you!!!