So two more of my student loans have gone into full repayment with the start of this year. I took them out 6 years ago set to start repaying them in 2020. It felt so far away but now we here and I think I underestimated how much of my paycheck they would eat up. I could manage it if I got paid regularly at my second job but work has dried up and things have gotten tight this month. Everything I earn this month is going to bills and I'm putting food and gas on credit. Anyway, posting this here cause I realized that's been the cause of my anxiety lately. Can't really sleep or relax until I know there are no bad surprises or until I land a 3rd job. I'll figure it out, I got this. Just need to air it out and tell myself that I got this.

i just need to see the light at the end of the tunnel man

I’ve struggled with numerous mental health issues for years stemming from traumatic childhood experiences but for the most part I feel like I’ve been able to just listen to music and smoke and chill

Over these last 3/4 months or so I’ve been feeling the most miserable I’ve ever been even to the point where I’m just living like a zombie everyday from me numbing myself

I thought my problem was a void my ex left back in April but I’ve been dating and f***ing and all that and it’s just making me miss her even more.

That coupled with personal issues, watching Australia and thousands of animals dying, the way the US is heading, how disconnected and uninformed today’s youth is (WW3 Memes etc), the concentration camps in China, people dying everyday because they can’t afford to keep stuffing big Pharma’s pockets, record number of homicides in 2019 in my city, Mexican children in detention centers, climate change showing its teeth a lot earlier than projected, now this s*** with the US and Iran....I can’t take this s*** man.

Worst part is the thing that’s kept me going for so long (music) just continues to become more and more fueled by clout and how viral it is along with the China data vacuum Tiktok slowly becoming the tastemaker is really pushing me towards the Edge. I have friends and family I love but idk how much longer I can keep pretending as if something good will happen and things will get better when year after year it gets worse

I think sometimes people mistake complacency with optimism

I can’t tell you how much it makes my stomach turn to see people live so happily and so unaware of what’s going on rn in this world. Maybe it’s because I live in the west but driving home from work listening to the bs they talk about on the radio (my phone had died) and just how distracted or apathetic A LOT of people are just makes me even more depressed because We’re powerless.

An image that keeps replaying in my mind was when I was driving home today and saw some Jeep in front of me swerving and continuously just slamming their brakes and ashing their cigarette out the window then throwing the bud out the window, me passing the Jeep and seeing it was some stupid b**** talking on the phone with a big ass gap in front of her so she was driving stupid because she was distracted because she doesn’t care about other drivers

Those are the “nobody” voters

That is America

hndrx Avi hitting

Lurking on people from your past on social media is unhealthy as s***. All that s***. staying in 2019. We looking forward from now on.

they wouldn’t want to see me like this .

Scheduled my first therapy session

Not supposed to make it past 25

Every waking moment is agony

that is why i dont use fb

do you guys try to workout that helps a lot of ppl

That’s awesome bro

Long as we have breathe in our lungs we gone keep it pushing

f*** this anxiety
i feel nauseous from it

on god !

Can’t even sleep anymore, panic every night this is so frustrating

The f***ed up thing about mental ilnesses is, that long-term they do physical harm to your body.

got prescribed bipolar meds
hope it’ll work for my depression

I chew gum to help with that, always carrying a pack around

Rn I just wanna sleep the pain away😪

Depressive episodes always make my stummy hurt and s***. Feels like im poisoning myself.

I’m foreal looking at secluded little cabins and considering going full Justin Vernon in February with an ounce and some papers.

Need some time to think about my direction and express myself creatively without the distractions of work and people. I’ve been made to feel like any time not spent working or with my friends is time wasted and I just want to live without any commitments or guilt for awhile.

Wish I could go back

Life passing me by