I am gonna f***ing give it to my therapist on Monday

Finally actually talk about something real

Like how I don't care if my parents die and why I used to hit my dog when I was younger and how I reconcile that with how s***ty my dad was and now my love for moral justice over lives lost

Won't ever tell his sorry ass that I'm feeling more suicidal lately and how I hope society does collapse so that I have a reason to kill myself lol

Cuz then he'd report me and I'd be in trouble

I'm gonna take acid soon I think

I won't say any of that lol

I wish I could wipe my brain

This APOG here.

Hope you open up to your therapist and everything goes well bro.

I know once i started doing that It was like my life changed so dramatically.

Goodluck!!

It's been officially 2 years of me on medicine and therapy.

I've made maybe 6 new friends this last year which is alot for me after going a whole year without meeting new people.

I moved out and have my own place.

I bought my own car

I've kept a job down for 2 years .

I haven't been depressed in about a year and 1/2.
I don't dread every morning and want to kill myself.

I've had one slipup with missing meds consecutively and a small relapse.

I've gained weight unfortunately

I've began to date a lot more women this last year alone.

Sometimes i feel moments of unfufillment in my current

Nope no one zilch zero nada

Man said theres no way i have zero friends wouldbt be saying it if it wasnt true cuzzo

took remeron with my efexor for a day (i've used it before) and was reminded of how s***ty it is. i'd rather be dead than feel like that. flushed it after 1 tablet

there is no day i dont think about killing myself

I could have friends, but i usually push people away

Its like i want certain type of friends, but idk what that is really

I cant trust most people

I've been smoking weed a ton more lately and calling out of work....

Just hit my dad's 9 year death anniversary and it hits worse every year.

I'm in such a funk right now.

I hate having to go to work when I’m not feeling alright.

Mom thinks I’m working for fun. Tells me to just focus on school as if I wouldn’t want to take the easy route and use my mom’s money to pay for my expenses. I don’t feel enough of a man if I do that, especially at my age. I’m not a kid anymore.

I’d rather be elsewhere, but the thought of making money for myself makes everything better.

i have ac old

Had a pretty f***ing bad 2019, but on the road to recovery. Finally changed anti depressants this year and feel 100% better. Also no longer have acne, so accutane was worth it.

I got to manage my time on here I’m on 24/7 even when nothing’s going on

What am I doing with my life

Loneliness and aimlessness

these past years i've had several repressed memories come back from my childhood. Which has been kinda good for me, to finally process them and become more self aware.

But I know I have this big traumatic experience that I still can't recall. and it's making me anxious, like what if it is so f***ed up that I end up doing something stupid?

Last time I recalled it was when I was 4-5 years old and as soon as I thought of it I started banging my head against the wall until my aunt stopped me. I've been told that before this episode I used to have a babysitter that ended up losing her rights to her own children. And the last time my mom picked me up from her house, I was different and started having problems.

So I guess thats connected but I just can't recall what happened. not sure if I should just let it go or try to find out.
Anyone ever have something traumatic come back that you had suppressed? if so did it affect your mental health bad or good?

u should, my therapist told me that it's much easier to help me out, after I opened up.

that was almost 2 years ago, haven't been back since that day lol. s*** got too scary

Real s*** bro try to find an EMDR specializing therapist. Look that s*** up it's new but useful when it comes to s*** like that.

I've got my own repressed sort of memories and although I've only really done one session it brought out all of the repressed feelings associated with those memories so that might be worth a shot

I'm definitely far from healed but you need to let yourself bloodlet before you can get better. All those feelings and memories are stored up in and weighing on your soul. It's gonna hurt like hell when those feelings come out but they've got to at some point if u want the weight off your chest

This is for anyone who’s feeling like they aren’t wanted or they are lonely, I love u and hope the best for u. I hope this made one of you smile ❤️ Even if it didn’t be safe out there, there’s always hope and you will find yourself and that light that will lead you past and troubles you have your way, bless

You are all special in your own way

i'm so miserable all the time at work its a f***ing disaster trying to get through the day