I dont even know what Im doing in my life... that makes me really sad.

so lonely in this big city

lowkey just told my mom i wanna kill myself

ain't even mean to let that slip out but f*** it, at least i'm being transparent

visited the tree we planted for one of my best friends after she passed away in 2018

s*** still hurts like it was yesterday. wish i could put into words the effect she had on me and how thankful i am to have known her. she really was one of those people you meet once in a lifetime if youre lucky

it should have been me instead

I don’t like who I am (but I’m working on a fix)

Anxiety stopped progression in all aspects of my life

that time of year when I hate myself the most

life really socked me in my face today
scary growing up

what she say bro

ugh I hate college, highschool was so much better

Idk if I can do this anymore

Life hurts more and more everyday with nothing coming to make it better

If I could do it all again, I would

freshman at university and slowly realizing I might be the kind of person I would've called a piece of s*** a few years back: manipulative of other people so they'll feel bad for me, spineless, just an all-around pity party.
I'm trying to find my first for-real therapist at my school, but I can't stop wondering if it's too late for me and I'm just gonna be this person forever. someone who just wasted his whole life living through others and didn't stop to actually develop themselves or learn by making mistakes earlier on when I had fewer consequences.

I don't know how to be upfront with people with my emotions because I know they'll just think I'm an a****** but I don't know how to not be this person after being them my whole life.

tonight was a big reality check
ever since i lost my mom i never take things for granted anymore but this past year i have been
i dont have any plans for my future as of now and im about to graduate hs got me feeling stressed

ive gotten too careless about life in general and im gonna change that

originally she had asked me what i'm passionate about because we were talking about my future and idk why but i said "killing myself" under my breath

she just kinda said "don't say that" in a low voice, she knows i've had suicidal thoughts before so i don't think she's that surprised but i've never been that blunt about it so idk

on god

im so so so depressed. i just want to listen to sad music and sleep all day

Man f*** this. I applied to literally 8 jobs, basic f***ing ones too like subway and a f***ing food market and they tell me they're not hiring because of "slow season". Now I'm stuck working a s***ty fast food job and I'm one argument with my manager away from ripping my shirt off and jumping out the drive thru window.

Not dead yet, but the regrets are killing me

I been minimising parts of my life to clear my mind but at this point I’m realising it’s becauseI just don’t want to exist at all

I really don’t want to be here

Everyday I’m teased by the idea of what could be of me but I just can’t

I want to erase everything