when I found my 100% method it was really exciting but now i'm back and forth between it being liberating and not worth it. It's a long process to do it

I've been researching suicide methods for years at this point and once I finally found the one that I think that'll work it's like everything finally paid off. I attempted a lot before and none of them resulted in anything, even though I put research into those. Gets frustrating after a while

I wrote a note a while ago but idk if i'm gonna use it. I've never seen myself as someone to leave behind a note but idk. Maybe I will now

trash I feel awful I took 2mg klonopin hopefully it makes me feel a bit better I wanna sleep all day

I have a psych appointment tomorrow and i'm just banking on getting a benzo script, preferably klonopin but it's probably gonna be lorazepam and i'm fine with that also. How've you been?

I ate a little when I woke up. Not sure if i'm gonna eat the rest of the day, dont have the energy and i'm just gonna be half dead anyway. It's with a new doc so i'm kinda anxious. My last doc quit on me a few months back and this is the first appointment I've had since then. They're just gonna push another antipsychotic on me that im probably gonna hate.

If they do push an antipsychotic on me i'd rather it be seroquel. That seems like something that would maybe suit me, though nothing else worked.

I know the feeling of waking up drenched in sweat cause of withdrawals. I hate it. Worst feeling ever. Hope everything turns out better for you soon.

do I even want to be happy?

Finally slept good. Thank God breakups suck.

wanna kill myself so bad

giving myself longterm and short-term goals has helped me alot

Do any of you guys believe there's an afterlife? I seem to be more consumed by the anxiety of where I'll end up when i die as opposed to how I'll die (or kill myself)

no

god benzos suck honestly this s*** dont even make me feel good no more

I hate being alone with my thoughts

Don’t know if it’s good to be in an ongoing cycle of work, weed, music during this quarantine feeling like I should be doing something more with my time but weed has a hold on me like no other

I ask myself this often. Sometimes I want a particular thing so bad, but then when I get close to getting it I turn my nose. Almost like I take too much comfort in being depressed

probably just not gonna go to college don't really wanna I'll find a new job