Someday I will be happy

I look better than how I feel

And youll be grateful for it every second

I notice I been staying up too long when my mind goes negative, seriously the best therapy to that is just ending the day

down bad

the days leading up to and new years day are always awful for me

I feel it my holidays have been okay I thought they were gonna suck and some did but I think they should've been worse in theory. At least there about to be over right. Who have you been spending this year? Just spend it with them no need to do any extra ass s***.

Love you guys. Holidays suck I chose to ignore mine. IDGAF but I did buy my immediately family gifts because I was doing good and I wanted but I bought them a bunch of lil cheap stuff f***. Next Christmas will be better fam maybe we can buy ourselves something nice

Smart and if your capable do it. My intrusive thoughts keep me up. I'm sure I'm not alone either #sadboys #cantsleep

you right

christmas is fine, it's new years that always gets to me. just reminds me of how many years of my life i've wasted

Also I love you f***ers and a lot of us deal with intrusive thoughts here. Don't believe that s*** you lie to yourself all the time. We all have the potential to be great it's just very easy to falter. Emotions come and go you'll never feel one way forever or too long. There's a lot of reasons why highest suicide rates are among 18-25 years old and I believe that it's because things can get better and they often do. Chin up f***ers we gon be alright. Love you all

Aye man you're probably younger than me and I'm a huge f***up. But IDGAF this is who I am I'm good at somethings bad at others and we have to use our strengths to advantage. Some of us are late bloomers were not destined to shine at a young age. The moon and sun shine on there own time.

Can’t you see your my delight? 👉🏽👈🏽

happy new year

Just sitting on the couch on new years night. 2am, just with my tonight's thoughts on the couch with some people here. I don't know whqt this year will have for me l, I honestly hope it's a good year for me,, but I dont know what's going to happen. I've had some intrusive thoughts tonight.. Not good thoughts l, just the loneliness thoughts that keep popping up, which aren't good.. Its been so long I really wonder if Ill ever meet someone. I know people say you have to be happy or content with yourself before meeting someone, but I think that's bullshit. I just want to share my heart with someone is all, I'm stopping myself from crying right now. I just want the the simple things in life, they sound simple but aren't so simple with some people
Iike me.

I know it probably starts with me, I gotta force myself and make myself get outta my comfort zone, but it's been so long it's a hard thing to do, my confidence and self is pretty low at the moment. I know I got a good heart but f*** it sucks that I'm so lonely. M you can probably tell I'm pretty drunk at the moment.. Since I'm being pretty open, which this s*** will not happen if I were sober. Only if I could you rewind my life 10 years, I know its a s*** thing to think, people would probably say not to think about those thoughts, but it's hard not to think about with those regrets that you have. I know I'm going on and on but it's easy to type since I'm pretty f***ed up.

Just the the simple things.. Holding hands, hugging talking and having things to do. Ill get there I think.. I hope.

Sorry for talking a lot.. If you did read this long post.. Thank you. I mean it.

I do not have any best friends

dying

Don't have best friends either
I put up walls due to a bad experience
I'm also afraid to open up to my friends about what I went/am going through so communication got cut shorter and shorter

needed this.

thank you brother.

Know you are not alone, I am dealing with the exact same thing rn...2021 is gonna be our year just wait