I'm so sick of everything

Why is dying such a hard thing to do

idk what to say anymore i just don't want to b here anymore.

my medication has links with dementia so i might have that idk i'm so confused.

Previous page if you’re here

well i'm getting back to the gym tomorrow i hope it improves things for me.

i hope everyone is doing good in here, keep strong and much love to you 💪🏼❤

Also, the chat under the same name (Evolve) I will keep running till you have your phone I guess

Also just in case Pen#5949 is the discord

What the f*** is wrong with me? My mind is f***ed. My emotions are completely out of control. But at the same time I don’t think there’s actually anything wrong with me. I’m just completely incapable of dealing with the limited amounts of stress that I’m experiencing. My brain is f***ing with me.

Actually meet someone from work, I've known her for a bit but we always got along well and asked her out. Went out a few times and went great , bit we had a big age gap of 10 years.. We both knew and it was an issue with her, even with me I knew it was a large gap. plus I knew her family and we weren't sure they would be okay with it. I didn't want to get in between them which could cause issues.. So it's not gonna work. It f***in hurt to be honest, and I actually told my mum what I've been going through for the last 10 years. Which is loneliness and other issues, I'm pretty private but last night I just opened up to her. My mum has always been good with these things, always open and accepting and wanting to help, but I'm pretty private and reserved, so I'm like a tight shell. Cried a lot in front of her, crying a bit now due to writing this. Even told her about suicide which I couldn't believe I said to her, I'm not gonna do it though, no way I want her to find me, plus I can't do it because there's so much s*** I wanna do. At least Im studying at uni and my job which I enjoy
So I got something going right for me. Jusy need friends.. Thats pretty much it. Just the simple things I need and want.

Got 6 weeks off next week from work and no plans at all which hurts, so my sister is trying adjust her plans to invite me to go to western Australia and camp, with her boyfriend. I feel like s*** and that I'm tagging along, bit my mum and her don't see it that way. She invited me to new years also which is nice.. I gotta stop writing because I'm close to crying again...well I am. And I'm suppose to be at work soon..

Hopefully I meet someone soon cause f***.. I need love, affection and someone to be with. It's been so long it hurts

Thanks for anyone who read the whole post.

today was my 25th birthday and this just might be the most depressing birthday ive ever had. so many things didn’t go right today and my depression is hitting me worst than its hit me in a long time. i thought my life would be far different than it is right now. i really thought i would “make it” as an artist at this point. boy was i f***ing wrong man lol. at 25 im broke, working a s***ty data entry job, living in a place i don’t wanna be in, and feeling hopeless and wanting to die. i f***ing hate life man. only like two people wished me a happy birthday and that’s just pathetic lol. i really should’ve ended my s*** two years ago

who else is gonna cry and listen to MOTM3 tonight

How do I know I won’t just quit my job because of an episode again

How many times am I gonna endure this cycle .

The rest of my life

F***

I was thinking about trying ketamine the other day. Won't that drastically improve moods and s***?

Happy birthday/belated. I know people say this on the internet just to virtue signal and feel good about themselves, but if you need to talk , I'm here fr. We're all in this together, and we gone be alright. Stay strong king

My anxiety has been crazy this week. My dad's best friend and former boss passed from Covid. I can't imagine what's going through his head especially cause it's exactly 10 years to the day he lost another of his best friends. Man this year has been hell. We've lost at least two people a month since July

i love my girl so much

and here i am missing my ex who f***ing left me at my lowest for me to burn, and even before leaving me she was making me near miserable and constantly full of anxiety, and what's f***ing excruciating is my ex has been calling me from an unknown caller id once every week or so cause she knows ive been ignoring her for 40 days now.

she was the one who tried to end it all and i simply said "understood, goodbye" to her bullshit excuse to end it. i knew she was in her feels and didn't want to end it but i did then and there cause i was tired of how she kept making herself on top all the time, ignoring my problems and making it all about herself.

and this is s*** that im not dealing with my current girl.

why am i like this

why am i attracted to what isnt good for me

what's wrong with me?

ive been on a weed break for ten days but i just wanna be high

i wanna get away from this feeling

happy birthday!

my first love was an attraction to deprivation

I have never had anxiety problems until now. This is the most anxious I’ve ever been in my life I think. I hate to say it but I really feel what my youngest sister goes through now. Idk if it’s even supposed to be today but I think that was the plan. I sure as f*** hope so man, this weekend could be the absolute worst if not.

I am in love with someone I probably shouldn’t be in love with. But it is the strongest feelings I’ve ever felt and I will do anything for it.

I can relate

it's f***ed man

my current girl is an angel and put my heart back together

but my first girl...despite what she did...i still miss her but i can never take her back for my own good and that reality hurts

It’s strange how often you can just find people in the same situation. I had a GF recently who was an absolute gem a beautiful soul. We got along splendid and honestly if we kept going I could have seen us turning into something special.

But my god this previous girl, the only one I’ve ever actually loved has such a pull on me. And it doesn’t even make sense, there are so many signs that point to us not being able to work. But I can’t help but think about her everyday. I want her more than anything in my life. If it was an option of cure my disease, thus extending my life expectancy or choosing her, I’d always pick her.

f***