i will try to feel better

I’ve never wanted to sleep for the rest of my life than I had these last 3 weeks

fitness really all I got left lmao

my spirit feels crushed.

i was feeling really bad these last couple of months. to the point it was causing problems in my relationships.

I'm in week 3 (day 18 of 21) of a personal arc and i'm finding it a little harder than normal to keep up with all my progress. It's so hard to not take a small backslide as a symbol that i've failed. i will be better and I will really get through all of this. The process hurts so bad but through pain i find some grace knowing that things are working

sometimes im so deeply guilty

like it would def be better if i just ended it all

i don't know where my life is going anymore and i know its only going to get harder

i can’t do anything right

Therapy today and what the f*** I was crying so much

“Allow yourself to be vulnerable and feel love from other people”

F***…
My partner just sent me their wish for Xmas/birthday, to go see a theater talk with some host that my partner really like.

I went to order 2 tickets and began to pick our seating and got hit by crippling anxiety!
Got scared that I would pick bad seats because I am not used to going to the theater, so I don’t know where the good seats are.
Then by the fact that there would be people all around me, and man….
It really made me wanna pick some worse seats, just to be close to an exit or at least not in the center of the seating.

But I picked to good seats.
Now I am just so full of anxiety.
But in worse case, I will give my partner the 2 tickets to go with a friend if I feel my anxiety will ruin the night.

But f***… I hate feeling like this

Just cursed

everyone can’t win, some have to lose

Just an afterthought

Go

Money is happiness
There is none without it

Slippin

This time feels different

Feel so like dissociated

Its so vivid its scary

I cant be sober it scares me

I need to pick up a pill habit

Lowkey got high asf on robitussion gel caps yesterday and now my depression is gone

journaling today helped me stop ruminating on something dumb

"actionable" column and "uncontrollable" column

did everything on the actionable list? great!! all set.

wanna worry? fine. give yourself a "worry window" almost like a cheat meal for worrying

so now im good. i can "worry" if i want on thursday. instead of at random all the time

I wasn’t made for life

Natural selection missed me