I am not my trauma

I am not the things I have seen

Maybe if I say it enough times it'll make sense

Also deep one lol

Would never kill myself but sometimes I wonder if the bad habits I hold like smoking, bad diet, etc are just ways of me breaking my body down subconciously so that I'm not surprised if I end up with cancer or some s***

Anyway... too early to be thinking this complex

I hate everyone.

Sometimes it seems like it’s always something. Happy moments soured by not so great news

My OCD is fried

Got into work, had a panic because I thought I left the stove on. 40 minutes back to find out it was turned off, 40 minutes back into work to do a whole different shift because I can't relax

OCD is mad debilitating. I am contemplating filming myself before I leave my house to double-double check that everything is off. It would sound extreme to people who can't relate to it, but on paper for someone with OCD it would make sense. (yuh)

I got that ADHD diagnosis just waiting back off some experts before I begin treatment hope it all works out in the end. I got to have faith fam.

I'm so proud of everyone in here prepared to be vulnerable. It's so difficult

Got sick Monday and been bedridden since then.
My mental health takes big hits when I’m physically sick and my bad habits comes alive more then ever.

Gotta get out of the apartment and around friends.
Gotta get away from screen.
Gotta get away from consumption and start creating

My past trauma is crippling my brain so bad

I wanna kms just so i can stop thinking about ts

oh man don't say that.

what's up, d'you wanna talk about it?

Man…… super increased anxious feelings the past few days. Based on something entirely real going on…..

This year has been so hard already man. Right off the jump

Find it hard to enjoy my life when my past keeps getting brought up as a means to undermine me by idiots

maybe im the problem

my brain my biggest opp thats some f***ed up s***!

ADHD+CPTSD is really hard 😫

Are the small fleeting moments of joy worth the multitudes of suffering?

They feel worth it when you experience them i feel

I have useless degree, old(?) at least for programming college as my teacher told me, lol director of that college said that if I even graduate, no luck of finding job in Japan where I am currently living till end of March as my visa ends.
They didn't give me visa to look for a job as course that I finished lasted one year.
I have just one year of work experience and it is all part time jobs while I was studying Japanese, I didn't even pass N2 as I was too busy whining and being lazy.
I don't know what to do, decided to vent there as Grok just tells me to call a helpline, but I called them once and they were like - You need to speak and write in Japanese at perfect level to be hired - great help lmao.

Feel like I might go on meds soon.

I have been retired because of mental issues(I am not that old), but sitting at home and not having any relation to society and not getting anything done is driving me down dark holes.

I wanna do something
I used to write/produce music, but since being retired I haven’t done much.

I know this post comes of as pathetic and privileged, but I really have been feeling that this might be the year I take my life(I will not) so something has change.

Some passion and some more relation to people has to enter.

Meds might get me part way there

Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness is f***ing lying. Being broke legit has detrimental effects on mental health. I could barely afford to eat about 12 years ago. Now? I'm able to take out my people to nice restaurants and we're making some of the best memories together.

I straight up don’t want to be here anymore