Why do I love being miserable

So my job is having a mental health awareness thing next week. And I’m loosely part of why. (They just heard something happened to me + like 2 others idk) It’s like 3 hours long. My commander is the only one knows about my situation even tho he doesn’t know details. He said I could sit it out. But he also brought up a good point that if I’m missing that’s gonna make it obvious.

Lowkey don’t know if I should or not

i hate how every therapist i see just ultimately says if u dont stop using substances i cant work with you

like b**** i need substances cus u wont give me pills BECAUSE i use substances

Got eye migraine right now but already getting a bit better.

Why am I always thinking I’m going to die when something to me happens.

Need to get a grip on myself

I know it’s stress induced

i got 2 different therapists

one for the pills and one for talking

makes things easier

not being able to sleep cause of anxiety is a f***ing vicious loop. i hate being scared to go to sleep because i’m worried i won’t be able to sleep

me. f***ing. too. currently been congested a few days and it caused to me to have debilitating anxiety. my gf is like “it’s just congestion it’s normal from time to time if you have a cold”. but i keep anticipating getting sicker and sicker. cant even sleep cause i’m worrying so much about it

Haven't been back in a minute (that's a good thing)

Feeling better mentally as of late. Hope this lasts

take zzzquil or melatonin

I feel so bad, drained. Don’t wanna fight again, but I have to

instagram.com/p/CpDy_W4uPw4/?hl=en

Oh lord this was NOT how I wanted my bday month to start off

@garetare Come back

My mental health has been in the toilet for the past few months due to toxic living conditions and medical, this drama is the last thing I need. I think for the sake of my literal sanity I need a break, if not leave the site entirely

why is it so hard to cry on antidepressants

thought they were helping me but now I’m not sure, still feel like a turd

i feel so empty inside, im always zoned out even during important life moments

funny i try social dating apps so i can try an get a connection an a vibe with someone but no matter how many times i swipe i get no matches but i dont let it bother i just keep trying an never give up

at least im crying now

• An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection ✅✅

• A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel ✅✅✅

• Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all ✅✅

• Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss of contact with reality, lasting from a few minutes to a few hours ✅

• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as gambling, reckless driving, unsafe sex, spending sprees, binge eating or d*** abuse, ❌ or sabotaging success by suddenly quitting a good job or ending a positive relationship ✅✅

• Suicidal threats or behavior or self-injury, often in response to fear of separation or rejection ❌

• Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours to a few days, which can include intense happiness, irritability, shame or anxiety ✅

• Ongoing feelings of emptiness ✅✅

• Inappropriate, intense anger, such as frequently losing your temper, being sarcastic or bitter, or having physical fights ❌
  

I think I will go to therapy again but this time actually try to solve my issues

my anxiety is so high, melatonin just puts me in a wide awake sleep state that just freaks me out lol

Does anyone else have BPD?

the good life is too hard to maintain and doesnt make me feel better and isnt fun at all

the urge to self-destruct again is so tempting