I’m living a lie and it’s a heavy thing to bare

I deprive myself of some many things because my head tells me I don’t deserve it

don’t become attached; every event, every person, every memory, is just a station on your track towards a lonely death.
all you can do is embrace the warmth you receive along the way, don’t you dare try to hold on, because the memory will only drag you down as it sinks

People that’s working through these tough times should be getting paid time and a half at least

each time i reach close to this checkpoint, something or someone is holding me up and its beyond my control

its really frustrating me, like at the end there is only so much i can do/control
and each time, when the vital times arrives i stand here alone and watch the tide grow bigger and bigger,as i sit there with great anticipation waiting to jump on
but by the time,im finally ready to even jump the tide has already crashed and i sit there back again with sea wind slapping in my face and the sound of gulls echoing in my head

like fr, time is running
i sit here on my lap with a whole bunch of somethings that just vanish into nothing year after year.....

my dads old too, i want to show him what im capable of, like even he tells me when i show him
but i havent moved a f***ing brick further, by the time this machine works he will be six feet below and wont even be able to see what i hopefully will become

maybe i should look in a mirror? but then i realize everything i was posed to do, i have done.....

i can only sit here and wait again for the next f***ing wave, to somehow see it crash again without me on it

and then what do i have to live for?
maybe i should just stop pumping myself up with so much excitement and energy or expect the same lvl of whatever from the others lol

plus im f***ing stuck inside these f***ing 4 walls already for goddamn 4 weeks, ive lost track of my days of anything

i thought this was the opportunity, its not too late but still it just doesnt look f***ing positive at all

im surrounded by misery and pain 24/7 and on top of that i cant even climb out of my pit of "self made" doom
i should just stop looking up to the light and just focus on that dark wall in front of me lmao so i can stop feeding myself these stupid illusions and face reality

:):

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Ahahaha Good Morning

delete this so I can post it

Next few hours gonna be torture

what's gonna happen

ayyy you real af

RIP THE JACKA

Fam coming over, gonna meet some new members as well. (Ik pretty dumb during corona)

sneeze on them

i remember we had "family" come over from Mexico once my mom called me over to meet them, I pretended not to know any spanish and they didnt bother the whole week

smart man

the worse is when you have guest over and they talk loudly

Fax
They be laughing loud as s*** too
Then it'll be getting late and they still ain't leave

I feel bad for my friend getting banned because he has literally nothing else going on in his life right now. However, he deserved it and the sad thing is it’s gonna be weeks before anyone even asks where he went out of a mixture of mostly boredom and some curiosity.

I know she ain't still calling private 🤦🏾‍♂️