Realizing that laziness is the main thing holding me back

Like i take things to 80-90% then i leave. That last 10% dont even take time i jus dont do it

Everything is a dichotomy/duality between two things: variables i.e. data, numbers, info, matter, and the executive control i.e. a decision making entity

For things that cannot be explained mechanistically are controled subtly by the influence of many competing consciousnesses

Physics is just god making decisions in slow motion

Even the laws of reality can change in theory

The same behaviors that drive mass social consciousness into order dictate every level of matter

All aspects of material reality are a reflection of the properties of the highest material consciousness aka god

But the god of this world is not the ultimate god. Thats the key understanding

Nothingness doesnt and cannot exist. Prepare yourself for the afterlife like your ancestors did

God is infinity in its true form. That is why theres no such thing as nothingness. God is infinite and permeates everything. But there are localized subsystems within god and one of those is this material reality. This world tries to convince u this is the ultimate reality. Which is ironic because in reality "our" god acts as he says satan does, the god of this world thinks he is the ultimate god, in rebellion to a higher power, jus like satan

All this s*** comes from the realization that there can only be 2 realities, nothingness and infinity, and the fact that we exist proves infinity is the reality

Ive seen myself the nature of the higher gods, ive heard it from those whove died and come back to life, heaven is real, but its a part of a larger reality that doesnt follow the same rules

Christianity says these higher gods are demons, but its not true

As I get older after I have conversations with my parents that might last 1-2 hours I get a wave of melancholy. Not tryna go into too much detail but it’s tough times for my family atm, nothing immediately life threatening but we’ve honestly fallen on hard times. My talks with them make their mortality so tangible. Mom’s turning 60, dad is 65. So they not super old, but they’re getting up there.

You realize your parents are full individuals. My heart breaks for my mom when she tells me of her unrealized dreams. My father’s unhealed childhood trauma, and how it’s manifested into some of his bad habits. At my current age, my father was on his 3rd child (me) about to be born. I think to myself with no kids, would I have been able to support 3 kids? I’m sure I’d have found a way, but it’s still an amazing feat.

Right or wrong I feel the need to succeed and do better for them. At least give them something to say they’re proud of. My siblings feel the same maybe not to the same degree. They’re both a bit jaded with our parents. I feel like they should give them more grace, but I’m use to blunting my feelings in that way so I don’t become a burden to anyone. Make myself invisible, so that I’m not an inconvenience.

At the turn of 2020 I really do feel like somebody put a curse on my family.

My parents are in their 70s. Im the youngest of 3 and im almost 30. None of my other brothers (2) have kids. Everyday i feel bad that none of us have given my parents grand kids. S*** im the only one who has a career and im the youngest.

Its hard times for the youth rn. U gotta remember that most of life is outside our control. We all struggle with relationships in the modern era. Its more common than u probably would expect

This sounds random but tbh the only thing u rly gotta know is fear is ignorance and conquering fear is a key component to success in the afterlife

Feel that deep depression walkin in

Feeling completely unmotivated in all areas of existence

Wish I had the balls to write "Like DOC no one can do it better" on my resume/CV

fear is your body's natural response, however an aspect of that is ignorance. It depends on the environment fo instance you may deem some guy to he harmful yet he could show a side of him that would have the potential to ignite fear.

Stay with us dude. Have you been to see a professional, or a doctor of some sort?

creative writing is not easy

I'll keep trying

let's keep going

Yea i got a therapist and meds, im ok thxs for the kind words, this aint nothing new

About the other post, i think fear is an emotional response but also psychological, paranoia and a state of despair or avoidance, in the mental realm i think your thought patterns and personality remain, its possible for fear to drive ppl to strange or dark worlds, but its all a theory

Some of these beats rly pushing the artform forward

All cock blockers need to be sentenced to death

these youtubers will not stop capping about snow

we not getting a blizzard in north carolina thats literally never happened before