Lotta guys are codependent on female affection/attention and don't even realize it tbh. Men are conditioned to view women as objects of comfort during times of distress, and are conditioned to avoid expressing their emotions, so with no other outlet to turn to for emotional support and the preconceived notion that women are meant to serve their emotional needs, even decent men get sucked into the trap of becoming codependent on women to maintain emotional stability.

The solution is:

• Going to therapy

• Finding ways to channel pent up sexual energy/frustration into creative or athletic pursuits in order to blow off steam without immediately linking doing so with sex/sexual intimacy

• Making friends, including women friends. Women become demystified when you just accept friendship from them, let alone seeking it out

• Picking up some hobbies besides video games. Stuff that can give you skills and stuff to talk about irl

• Get a full-time job if you don't have one, and ideally go to postsecondary school of some kind if you have the means to do so. If not no problem, but get a full-time job.

The goal isn't to do all of these things in order to find someone, but to do them in order to create a system of support and self-fortitude while you're single, that you continue to engage with when you're in a relationship

armchair kttrs

and never pick it up again

never seen a good dude say this lol not even a bad dude they’re usually just focused on having sex. stop getting takes from twitter

Until you get into a serious, long-term, and healthy relationship, or at least one what was healthy for most of it, you don't even realize how much of dating is just in your own head.

Other people are naturally inclined to seek out sexual and romantic intimacy. In order for you to be truly incapable of attracting anybody from the desired gender you either have to be deformed, dress like you are legitimately homeless or have AI for a brain, severely mentally handicapped, lack any kind of hygiene, or truly incapable of healthy socialization with the desired sex/gender. If you don't tick off any of those boxes, you will find somebody to date if you give it a chance and keep an open mind. Our species is engineered to do this, it's not that complicated.

And then, once you fall in love and allat, you realize that all of these traits very much matter in a relationship too, not just as a means to find a relationship. They honestly matter way more in relationships, it's what keeps the connection going once the honeymoon phase is over.

You truly need to be a fully-formed, decent human being if you want someone to feel safe enough to let you put your genitals inside of them, let alone getting pregnant by you. Y'all need more empathy, and you develop that by connecting with people socially and going out into the world.

Rant over. Free game. You can do it.

Ex-coomer who actually did the fabled "work" and landed a LTR as a result. I'll always pass down the game to anybody who may value it or benefit from it. Love is hard to find simply because we live in a society that doesn't value it enough.

Damn this really hit me, I was def on bs my last relationship lol

I've had serious intrusive thoughts about seeking out s***as a coping strategy for stress, loneliness, and/or self-esteem problems. Never acted on it, but it's real and almost universal for men.

The best way I've handled it is to realize that that thought is coming up because I recognized the sedative effect of sexual intimacy, and my base human instincts are trying to get me to use sexual intimacy basically as a d*** to self-medicate when I feel some kind of emotional distress. It's still rooted in objectifying women, but in patriarchal society we are so conditioned to objectify women we don't even realize that's what we're doing.

Point is, when those thoughts arise (it's somewhat natural for it to happen as well), the human side of yourself, the side capable of higher reasoning, needs to reflect on those thoughts rather than acting on them. Can genuinely make or break a relationship, and it's a great way even if you're single to avoid regrettable hook ups/dates.

which thread ?

I get rewarded for being a good boy idk what you mean

"X group of people doesn't deserve access to a basic human right enjoyed by every living creature in history" - see how it sounds when I rephrase it like that? What a f***ing bizarre thing to say.

Yeah, you can rightfully point out that men who rely too much on female affection/attention need to work on that while also not blanketly condemning all of them as pathetic losers who are unlovable.

There are many men who are codependent on female affection who are pathetic losers that are virtually unlovable, yes. They also often make terrible fathers and friends, if they even get that far. But plenty are just awkward and shy or have a lot of challenges they're up against and just want love. Others need to grow more in terms of their emotional maturity. I always hope that folks like that can turn it around/grow.

It's just condescending to ascribe every single guy struggling to find love despite being a kind person as being a whiny, entitled loser lol. Internet has compressed reality into these crass binaries that don't exist irl.

"Losers"

It's not even about bein nice, its about not giving a f***.

A nice guy will spend 4 months thinkin about shootin his shot at a chick who dont like him. You just gotta be fresh and be a machine gun.

It's extremely valuable, on a cultural level, to be a genuinely good man. In a time when there is a reckoning/reaction to centuries of patriarchy and men misusing their place in society, I see it as a privilege to be able to make an impact on that perception, rather than a burden I have to carry around. I'm not a victim of a cultural shift, I'm a participant in it.

I say this as someone who made their share of really bad mistakes in relationships back in my late 20s/early 30s that I'm still paying for. I've never been a particularly "nice" guy, and I'm still kind of an a******, it's just more that I try to think about my daughter, close female friends, and the 70+ female students who look up to me in a given semester and try to be better than I was. What I get out of that isn't really the point.

How they think jobs are gotten

“If it worked for Travis bickle it ll work for anyone!”

The “nice guy” archetype

whats the ‘basic human right’ ?

The real black pill is that some folks will just have to acquiesce to the randomness of life. You aren’t owed anything. You aren’t owed a relationship, romantic or platonic.

There may be things you can do to increase your chances (style, money, hygiene etc) but nothing really matters other than being in the right place at the right time, and the other party deciding that they find you attractive. There is nothing you can “do” to “get” a relationship specifically, and it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with the kind of person you are.

Rapists get relationships. Broke niggas get relationships . Homeless niggas get relationships. Boring niggas get relationships. Nerds get relationships. Abusive niggas get relationships. Kind people get relationships. Exciting people get relationships. Niggas with bad hygiene get relationships. People who are social, kind and decent can easily remain a virgin up into their thirties.

Almost all of this s*** is random.

best post itt