I build things up in my head only for it to not happen the way i want it to irl and it crushes me every time

Sometimes I have to suck it up, be humble, ignore others. I’m mentally tired, delusions seem under control. Maniacal thinking but I’m fine, short bursts of energy and trends of tiredness due to stress at work. I want the best, am I too nice? They said I’m soft with others, I guess I’ll be more aggressive. I hope I don’t fall into an episode again, it would crush my family. I just want the best

I think this kinda s*** is my biggest flaw.

i really wanna die tbh

damn bruh life is really just pain

physical effects of stress and anxiety f***ing sucks

I’m so desperate
for anything

I want to cry but I cant

Ya i gotta situation goin on rn where i jus know I’m gonna play myself

I have nothing keeping me in this world I’m so so empty

My internship ended on Friday and i have nothing to do til i go back to school in Jan. Barely left my room today and don't have the energy to do anything or see anyone

Sad cus I got no life but don’t put effort to make a life for myself. I’m not good at talking to people so I just don’t bother, I’d rather not embarrass myself

How did I get here

How are you guys doing?

damn now my girl broke up with me

Bro seriously hope you get past this stage, have been in a similar place as you and I definitely got past it.
Don't let your gf breaking up with you get to ur head. See it as a positive thing.

thanks for your kind words, i'll try

my regular doctor thinks im misdiagnosed with autism and has remitted me to a neuropsychiatrist for re-evaluation

I really want to die young but too scared to do s***. I have tons of methods of suicide but I’m too scared that there might not be an otherside. That life ends right there. I wish it was just like a really long dream but I doubt the brain works like that. I might just end up living reckless but smart in a way. Not like me driving drunk cause I could just end up becoming a vegetable. I no longer have access to a 15 floor building so I can’t jump off. Maybe I’ll accidentally OD off d**** one day but really I’m too smart for that that if I do it, everyone will know it wasn’t no accident. The only methods I have are drowning in a pool or hanging myself but I’ll never be able to. Maybe I’ll continue with my amnesia plan to forget who I am.

I can escape from this mindset whenever I train in the gym but obviously I can’t keep on training all day, so I really don’t know what the f*** to do anymore. Escapism with d**** and alcohol doesn’t even work for me anymore. The only thing I have left is training.

It might have something to do with me bettering myself physically. I need to find ground in something that’ll better myself mentally. Something like that

I need to really stop consuming so much caffeine when I know it triggers anxiety.

Tomorrow im gonna take a flight and I dont even know how im gonna say goodbye to my girl knowing is gonna be the last time im going to see her. I cant cope with this. I really cant

You can make it through all things. I had a complete breakdown and nearly lost my life. I thought everything was done for. But, I bounced back. We all can bounce back and reach new peaks. I promise you fam. Stay strong.