I'm 22. I have had long lasting, reoccurring and difficult episodes of depression in my entire child-, adolescence- and now the little bit of my adulthood. The one I am currently in has been the hardest by far. I have been the loneliest... by far. I have had thoughts and visions about suicide but never had they been so intense. Today on my way to work, going about 50 miles an hour, I not only contemplated swerving off the street but yanked my wheel really harshly to the right. I didnt let loose fully, I premeditated that I would just whip it right real hard only a second before doing it. My thought process rushed my action faster than I could think about anything.

I try to not sit in negativity, any second I am aware I exude it, I try to distract myself. Weed has been nice. Music has been nice. Social media has been nice. But none of that limits the pain, none of that helps the pain and my need for love, affection and social interaction.

I am afraid I will take actions I am not aware of and not be able to stop them before its too late. I do not want to hurt myself, I do not willingly go into these holes where that is even a thought. I am a dreamer at heart, I want to accomplish things. But the thought of death and eternal rest seems to grow and grow within me. And I am scared. I am scared of myself and what I might do. I want help, I need help, professional help perhaps. But I need it and cant afford it

And besides the constant loneliness I couldnt tell anybody what exactly is wrong with me that has me feeling so horrible. I have a healthy body, I am not being physically hurt, nobody is abusing me verbally either I dont have to worry about my safety, freedom or my general needs such as shelter, food and hygiene. But I'm feeling absolutely awful.

There is one absolutely shameful thing happening in my head a lot, to where I wish an awful thing would happen to me, just so I could at least have a reason to pinpoint this whole mood to, have something as the reason... and I hate myself for even having that be even a second's worth of a thought

@Creasy push through those feelings bro

I don't think I'll ever get away

i think i'm done

i just want to help

ktt2.com/messages

Message me, always here for you. ❤️

Thank you brother.

Who here goes to therapy?

🥰

just got out of a mental hospital for a rehab (alcohol) was bout to die through detoxing and kicking a habit.

the therapy sessions were nice but we did em in a group setting.

maybe an individual therapy session would help you get some things off your chest.(a good relief) + therapists can refer you to psychologists with prescriptions (a temporary medical relief that if you're f***ed enough you can get a check for )

I feel extremely suicidal

I can't take it much longer

Sending you love fam.
All I can say is you’re not alone in this . Try research other ways to cope with the depression. Sadly I know therapy is expensive, but I know there’s other free resources.

I feel it doesn’t matter if you have a perfect life to other, but your mind is a whole other mindset. So don’t be too hard on yourself. At least you know you want help and I pray you do get it.

Maybe on a lighter note I love your avi . XV is the s*** ☺️

just now coming back into this thread since my last post.
ur strong and im proud of you ❣️

someone wrote a thesis on me lol scholars.unh.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1125&context=thesis

I had to get back on Sertralin because of Corona.

My thought were racing to much, and I was falling too deep into depression

I'm trying man, I want to conquer n survive this whole thing and be a tale of triumph for others hopefully. Thank you <3

Thank you so much

And haha dope to still see some that aint forgot about him, childhood hero of mine for sure

what's up homie

I am Bipolar and that’s okay

Long story but

Basically my girlfriend broke up with me 4 months ago due to depression and even though we still talk each day and call etc she is still depressed and doesn't want a relationship and keeps telling me that even though she loves me, she's not in love with me anymore. She also tells me that she doesn't want to lose me and want me as a friend, but doesn't want to give me false hopes of she being with me again once she's mentally stable. I have been feeling lifeless since January. I can't take it more.

you can suppress the feeling but it keeps coming back f***