19 years old and what do i have to show for it

love being alone but hate being lonely

like a switch man

every night

thoughts just dominate

I don’t know what I’m f***ing doing

I have so much s*** I want but i know I can’t get anywhere with who I am rn and how I act

I wanna be better but don’t know how

What makes so f***ing sad is past regret

Thinking that I could’ve done things better in the past and I would’ve been better now

I’m tired of putting on this fake charade towards people

I bottle all this s*** in and now I’m just being confronted with cause I’m stuck In a house all day

My real confessional moments are on here

I can’t fake happy anymore. Only way I can get that is to be comfortable in my situation, but I doubt my ability to do so.

damn i need some help

please don’t be putting pressure on yourself at 19 you can’t even do s*** yet. i feel like i was 19 a lifetime ago and i’m 24

Thank you 🖤🖤🖤 s***s been off the wall i needed this

lifes just startin mane

try to meditate at night before they get too hectic

Feeling when u grow up and realize yr violence, anxiety and mental disarray ultimately stems from yr own violent father and mentally disarrayed mother

So much s*** that I thought was normal

F***ing family think it’s ok to raise kids like it’s a legal court. Where emotion has to be computerized. At the slightest/non scenario thing yr dad is sending you paragraphs and you gotta defend back lawyer style

Ye tht s*** isnt cute or cool cus were “smart or no nonsense”

F*** this life man

I just wanna connect man

I need therapy Bro

Ive got unforgivable and destructive traits

I wanna blame my family but idk

stay up all of ya'll

telll ya'll about my s*** today.

tyna stop drinking cold turkey since saturday night . . .
made it about 30 hours and looked online just to see that I was gonna die maybe at 72 hours.

tryna taper off now. got a bottle of 13% alcohol to save my life.
. . . and I think I'm gonna have to buy another to save my life before 10:00.

Sometimes I just wanna stop existing, or just temporarily shutdown everything

you have no use for the past my friend

let it go, it serves no purpose but to self attack

This is a lovely mentality to have and hopefully one that I self-actualize to myself in the future.

im losing my f***ing mind

this is easy to say

theres no easy way to get the past off of your mind g

and i already want to end it

sick of all this s*** moe

wish i had d**** to make this go away