s*** i'm right there with you b

I wish you were here

Ehh I’m hanging in there. Lost my homie a couple days ago to gun violence.

Therapy was cool, my therapist said sum s*** i never thought of before

I aint never gonna change its just the same cycle it doesn't f***ing matter

It’s alot of sadness this time around. I really hate how this all played out. I get to watch our last thing we had fade away and there’s nothing I can do to talk to you anymore. This time there really is no move for me, nothing I can do. This sucks so much the uncertainty of it all.

If you’re out there still I am still here. I don't want it to be over but maybe you did and this was the easiest way for you. So if that’s the case I understand, but it does still hurt alot.

Same process every day

Very lonely

Need therapist

s*** is NOT going to get better

got a verbal offer on my job interview. god is good.

hold what you want in your minds brothers, believe you deserve it and that the universe will provide you with it as long as you have unwavering faith, take deliberate and intentional action towards it (whether its happiness, money, relationships etc.) and don't believe the negative thoughts

i promise since i've been practicing this i've gotten everything i have done this for.

women are evil

the women you've met SO FAR are evil

let a nigga vent

women are evil

-little demon

sorry bro

she more evil than me

what she do fam it'll be alright I'm here for u

Taking percocets cause the pain deep

Swear I have to be bipolar, it really f***ing sucks. One day I think I have it figured it out im happy im ready to actually do stuff and am trying then few days later its just f*** everything and everyone its like torture, I've found myself in a very unhealthy cycle that can't be broken. I just wanna live my life but I can't

Life is tough right now. I focus on maybe the wrong things or turn to vices when the crunch is brutal. I don’t normally drink or take my percocets when I’m down but it’s like a wave of pain just cascaded onto me. I’ve had percocets every night

Great for weight loss though, really curbs the appetite. But it’s sadness, I am just genuinely unhappy. Money isn’t happiness, fulfillment to me is happiness. And I’m coming to terms with the fact that I have been fixated for months and months on something that could never happen, it is a level I haven’t experienced before. I’ve never been desperate before in my life but I found myself in utter desperation.

I hate how these times of the night are now etched in as times we grew closest. Normally we’d be up talking for hours and hours about anything and everything. So I throw myself back into work and pills because that’s what I know. It’s the only thing I can actively do that makes sense to me. I’m not an addict so I’m not worried, but this is the only way I know how to cope. I literally won’t get out of bed otherwise.

Deep down I just want to be loved the same way I try to love the women who get close to me. And it’s tough being 27 knowing I’ve never experienced a relationship where I am loved at all or even the same way I love them. I’m really kind of at a loss for thought or movement, I think about it and cry cause it’s fresh. I feel like there’s something in me that has to be broken that I can’t see but nobody will tell me. I feel people would rather just lie to me instead of be blunt and say “here is why you are unloveable”. So I will pop pills and cope how I please because those same people who lie to me tell me that’s not how I should handle it. If this is me spiraling then okay let me spiral, im not trying to hear different

They said I wasnt dangerous just had a schzophrenic episode

I can't believe it's bout to be 3 years in Feb since we broke up and i'm still not over her,i miss her so much. I try to remind myself that i did the right thing by walking away cause i didn't feel good enough or that i deserved her but this s*** is the most painful s***

please