you know, everyone from rehab sponsors to psychiatrists told me cold turkey is the way to quit

but

I went through phases....like I had to give one d*** up and take more of a ''lighter'' one to deal with the withdrawals

I quit H and coke with pills, alcohol and weed then alcohol had to go then I stopped abusing pills and when I reached a point where I was smoking skunk daily and taking my pills as the doctor told me to I gradualy came to today where I smoke weed once a month

one other thing that helped me out was that I cut off all the people that ''enable'' -like we say in rehab- my d*** use while they still owed me a thing or two cause nobody's gonna ring you to try new s*** if they owe you

anyways, I didnt mean to put all that out there, I just hope that info is useful

Cold turkey sucks I’d be content with just smoking weed, but I be doing coke quite a bit I like X**** too. But I had real issues with X**** once upon a time that s*** is under control now tho kinda. I’m okay with dabbling tbh f*** it. As long as I can still do my s*** f*** it. But in the long term that interest gon get me I just figure the alternative isn’t as pleasant so f*** it. We all have our devils I ain’t f***ing with no one

I dont think longterm that much, I can spend my whole life being athletic and healthy and then get run over by a car.....I believe in mindfulness and living in the present. It just that I did too much too young so I kinda robbed myself of the fun if you know what I mean

like I said before in another convo, do what makes you happy if you're not hurting others....If I ever have a kid and he/she start doing d**** I wont force em to quit or beat their asses....I'll just show them what I can offer them and what d**** can offer them and after that it's all their choice

that is longterm thinking tho so I dunno. I believe in individual freedom....fuck interest, tmrw aint promised. All we can do is live the best lives we can with dignity and love

Ehh I think we’ll live longer than you think my man. Hopefully even longer if I can give up the d**** and with less health problems as well. I don’t do very much long term thinking myself I just kinda go with the flow and when something appeals to me I insert myself in the mix or try to learn as much about it. I want to be around for as long as possible so I can help my family, friends and community in a positive way that’s what we’re here for I’ll be dead and gone tomorrow like you said. But my name my legacy will live on thru my loved ones if I didn’t self sabotage the way I did I might’ve had the ability to help others in a bigger scale but I wasn’t thinking about that, I don’t believe it’s too late to be better tho you know. I want to be able to do the things I love until I’m old as f*** my bad habits might hinder that

that's what it's all about = legacy and family

that's why I said dignity and love....some of my loved ones are gone but in everything I do I'll do my best to honor them and the ones that are still alive I want them to look at me and say ''That's my brother/friend/bf and I'm glad he's in my life or was a part of it at some point''

I dont wanna sound preachy but in the Bible there's a part that says faith, hope, miracles, prophesies, gifts...they're all good, but without love they're useless

and you have enough love and kindness to take time for a person like me and the dignity to keep it real with me on all levels...whether it's d****, mental health, or life in general.

I appreciate you, ''thanks'' aint enough

its nothing bro bro youre a good person too you have a big heart man i can tell. Youre just a lil too hard on yourself, try to be kind to yourself.

mfw one of your fav comedians post a video and you laughing until it hits home.

a lil laugh for anyone that need it

You know what sucks

Even though people love you, you can’t really feel it

Not until you love yourself tbh

I cut myself pretty bad the other night and like the cut is deep and wide asf, I think I need stitches but idk
I'm scared to show anyone going to a doctor is scary asf to me that I'd have to have them see that idk what to do

Go to the doctor so it doesn’t get infected and make up some excuse

I’m sorry you’re going through this though bro

It's pretty apparent it's self harm though its multiple cuts right under my left shoulder and a burn mark there too

Sheesh, I wish I knew what to say. Maybe hope they don’t go into details on what happened & get you cleaned and fixed up & on your way.

put some iodine on it and if a nerve of vein aint cut it'll heal quickly just pls dont do it again i beg you

God will never give up on us

its so difficult not to hate myself

I smashed my phone up and self harmed again f***

I was doing so well

I don't even know why I do what I do anymore

My therapist won't even be able to call me next week now