Another lonely and quiet weekend..

likewise ❤️

i 1000% need to clear my mind rn

no reason to feel how i’m feeling. i really can’t get to the bottom of it tho

I'm working on dying

How can someone be so independently dependent?

How can I be the one to solve problems but i cant find someone to help me with mine

Im the comedian, the rock, the shield. Sometimes i forget im just me

And when i disassociate, when I look at myself like scrolling thru an old friends socials, i cant help but f***ing break down

Is this my lot in life?

Currently listening to Endorphin by Burial and man am i f***ing down in the dumps

after a year out of college it’s finally starting to dawn on me that I really just gotta work and support myself for the rest of my life and ik that’s a given but it just feels so f***in bad man

Sometimes I envy people who can sit with their sadness

I try so hard to push it away cuz its f***ing muscle memory now

How can I build myself up if i forget every crumbling part

Being alive is truly torturing sometimes

might not make rent

adulthood is painful

everything that has happened is my fault and now i have to deal with the consequences.

failure in every regard

Everyone except me has someone

yeah apparently ive had an eating disorder for years (almost a decade?) without fully realizing it

It’s funny because as careful as you were to exit I found a way to contact you and it was through your old discord and I had to contact discord support to get it.

I chose not to though. I don’t have anything else to add other than I sent some messages on the original site to best explain where I’m at now. I know you read these posts on this site itt, you always did nothing changed. You know who this is.

In due time you’ll get caught up I think. But yeah, I decided not to reach out.

I realized after a certain point with some therapy and actually a life coach that me being a simp with how I’m currently doing in life is completely counterproductive.

I do not need to pedestal people, it’s the opposite. I’ve had a complete mental switch flip. I know what it’s like to love but not be loved yet. That’s still the end goal, but so much is different now.

I am the best I’ve been since my second semester in college where I had the most confidence I ever had in my life and felt like I could have the world.

Well, lucky me I have both now.

PTSD is always gonna be there, nothing I can do about that. But I understand my worth and myself now and am confident I will find a partner to help me carry my faults

Anyone else have attachment trauma?

It's sad that being betrayed at a young age profoundly messed me up for the rest of my life

They need to have a framework that catches ptsd in kids at a young age and gives them the help they need.

When we're young, we don't know the extent of damage ptsd really has at that age. Just miserable children wondering why they're not normal and scared out of our minds at the thought of being close with people at of fear of being abandoned/betrayed/disliked. It's a domino effect after that and just gets worse.

my existence is exhausting

Just have to accept it’ll never happen, it’s so painful

<3 u bro.

Everyone s*** is different tho. Not one size fits all. Guess that's why niggas still looking for answers

Definitely me, absent father