middle of a maze with a broken compass rose

bro youre gonna be a f***ing doctor. after u graduate get some downtime and go vacation/party. enjoy the time u got with ur friends n ur girl now while it lasts

once stuff is gone that s*** is gone. But honestly you should be able to stay in your city. There’s gotta be a s***hole hospital somewhere in it

bro just wanna say thank you so much for this, helped a lot

you are right man, that's the best attitude, just gotta enjoy this while it lasts, and not think about the hurt of it ending. thank you brother. my girls a soldier through, she really been through a lot with me, so if we have to split from distance, it seems crap to not end with some good times. imma spoil her fr

trust, if i can be allowed to fly this summer cause covid quiets i'm defo doing it, lemme grab some sun

hope you are good bro, really appreciate this once again, love

to make something more positive:

what's 1 thing everyone been doing to improve their mental health

after my lunch im gonna go meditate for 15 mins and see how that helps

i’m conflicted. well i’ve always been about this but. i have friends who want me to open up about my problems, they know me to be suicidal in the past, but what am i supposed to say if they’re the cause. random jabs at my weight, comparing me to other people cause of my weight. i’m their friend, their brother, i’m the f***ing therapist of my friend groups, i don’t mess with anyone cause i know what that does for me. how is it so hard to see i want the same respect.

i’ve never told anyone that what they’re saying is directly hurting me, but everyone knows my biggest struggle is weight. i wear that on my sleeve so it’s like, why do people feel it’s ok to attack me? is it cause i let it slide? i don’t tell my friends what they’re saying makes me suicidal cause i’m scared how that could affect their mental. especially cause i know their mental. it’s a such a trap. if something i said made someone suicidal it would kill me. it would make me suicidal and that’s not the goal.

how can i get everyone to understand the severity of what they say without making them feel bad? am i naive to think that’s possible?

much love gangsta, enjoy!

and i don’t hate anyone for essentially bullying me, i hate myself for having a body that invites bullying. i’ve always had to be that way otherwise i’d hate the people i love. maybe i should love less but if someone notices and asks why and i say it’s from s*** they’ve said in the past i wonder how they’d handle it. would they hate me for keeping receipts or would they hate themselves for saying it? i don’t want either, just an understanding. if it happens again after, then it’d be enough reason to stop being friends. i’ve been trying i need to them to do the same. otherwise i’ll continue to be stuck in this hell

product of f***ing bdd

brodie imma say that's the wrong attitude in some ways

you have a body you dislike, fine. from what i'm reading sounds like you are trying to address that from exercising, diet etc

that's poor from friends etc to constantly bring you down like that, they should be supportive

i wouldn't clown on my friends from some s*** like that, especially if i knew it got them down bad about it

you giving more than you getting in return g you gotta let go at some point if they’re not respecting ur boundaries.

Sometimes my mind just decided to attack itself over decisions I’ve made that day, or sometimes decisions I’ve made weeks/months ago. Like why are you trying to hate on me when I’m trying to go to sleep when it was you that made that decision in the first place

thanks mane. i wouldn't dislike my body if it were more accepted but damn i get shot at way too often. i used to look for apologies but i'd go crazy waiting for em cause not once have i gotten one. i've accepted that you don't get the apology you look for. but s*** i would hope these people would at some point come to a realization that that behavior is utter s***. that would be it for me cause then i don't have to say s***. i feel like that's the best way. i find it dumb to have to tell someone bodyshaming is wrong. s*** is common sense. i refuse to have to teach an adult that but i would if i knew it'd come to a peaceful outcome.

also the thing is i don't look that bad. could i gain more yes but my bmi is normal. i've worked to get it to normal. regardless i have personal goals, i'm having more progress than ever and i plan on working out forever. i have gastro problems that set me back every often but i'm still trying. i wanna get healthy enough to hoop again. can't wait for that lol.

i know it's corny but the whole "if you can't handle me at my worst" saying is close to how i feel. moreso "if you don't respect me at my worst, why would i want it at my best?". i don't want there to be love lost cause i'm going to see these people for the rest of my life. i want them to change but i still don't know if it's morally right to try to change someone. if i wasn't for me being skinny they would've never said anything right? am i the cause and they're the effect or it the opposite

if they were the type of friends i could let go of i might have already done so. not the case tho. it's people i consider family, best friends, since childhood.. unless i move out of state and find a completely different social life i will 100% be seeing these people the rest of my life. everyone's connected. that's why i don't want to cut them off, just clinging to the hope they'll understand. i don't wanna give up on them man. on my life i don't plan to. i'd rather we be able to live a good life together

i want everyone to feel accepted. be accepted. life is hard enough to be dealing with all that extra s***

Just want to end it already I’m sick of this life

you are right bro it's straight common sense
some people are dumb though and don't understand how it can be difficult to not gain weight, particularly if they are on the larger side

maybe try open up with one of your friends who you trust the most ? a serious, sober conversation about your mental health. it won't be easy but trust me when i say it will help

today I found out I love myself

i'm afraid 10 years from now we'll have made no progress on racism, sexism, or homophobia. i wake up stressed the f*** out over it

now i'm thinking about going to school and getting a ba in social work

I know I said I was done with the site, and normally I agree. But what did we say about ultimatums? We both disliked them and were never a fan when we’d give one to eachother.

Made it almost 2 months, I don’t come back here ever cause it’s just another memory trigger.

A close friend of mine died recently, he ODd. I am only used to relatives passing, and you kinda expect those due to age. This is the first time it’s been someone my age and in my inner circle. I’m devastated.

Weird part is, when I found out I cried like crazy. And then I got mad, at you. Like where tf are you? You left me, and that s*** it hurts. And I have no clue what happened, it’s just gone.

“Are you okay?” Yes, I’ve replied. But the answer is no, my friend is dead and I have nobody to talk to about it. That person was you. You meant so much to me and then you disappeared too.

I was making strides, I’ve remade that disposable s*** every single day to the point it’s a routine. A habit. Idk man. It’s just too much. I tried texting, I did everything I could think of and it’s just gone. I’m down two people I really really loved. :/

It’s been 4 months since.. So much has happened. So so much, I wish you were here or listening.

It’s not even a loyalty stick by someone, Russ type thing. It’s just me, how I am, it’s how I’m wired.

I’m sorry

Depression be a b****.

Was suppose to go out tonight, bit that got cancelled.. So i got some wine here. Might as well

how'd this come about?