I been contemplating suicide the whole year, been drinking, eating percs everyday, barely eating a meal a dayx, been in fights losing on purpose for pleasure, cutting,. I don’t believe in god but recently I’ve picked up Etikas belief in you being your own god. But deeper than he could’ve went in it. I have the belief that humans are gods of earth compared to any species. We saw birds flying and built planes. We can swim with the fishes despite having lungs. We can even kill Lions if we have the brains for it. We destroy entire villages. Destruction is in our nature. Technology advancements have lead to destruction. However we are not gods of the universe. For all we know, there could be a species of outer beings that could wipe us out, but chose not to. For reasons I can’t figure out. Maybe it’ll happen one day. We’re even working on going beyond earth. but if Kanye can show me or anyone the light he doing his job. Im gonna listen to Jesus Is King when it drops with open faith. I want to get out of this path of destruction to spite everyone praying on my downfall in the face. I’ll face f*** anyone against me. Kanye, show me the light.

Damn u fr?

same

Even if he doesn’t show me the light, I have a plan to turn myself around. I hate myself. My personality specifically. My memories. I want to purge specifically that. I need some sort of amnesia. I’ve done research and found that Long term diphenhydramine use can slowly drain my memory. You can buy 360 diphenhydramine pills at Dollar General for $7. I’m going to pop 20 of them everyday until my memories are drained. Or die. Either way is fine with me.

chill dude u gonna have a delirious trip seeing spiders n shadow people

I think i've been dealing with the same problem cause I been contemplating suicide the whole year, been drinking, eating percs everyday, barely eating a meal a dayx, been in fights losing on purpose for pleasure, cutting,. I don’t believe in god but recently I’ve picked up Etikas belief in you being your own god. But deeper than he could’ve went in it. I have the belief that humans are gods of earth compared to any species. We saw birds flying and built planes. We can swim with the fishes despite having lungs. We can even kill Lions if we have the brains for it. We destroy entire villages. Destruction is in our nature. Technology advancements have lead to destruction. However we are not gods of the universe. For all we know, there could be a species of outer beings that could wipe us out, but chose not to. For reasons I can’t figure out. Maybe it’ll happen one day. We’re even working on going beyond earth. but if Kanye can show me or anyone the light he doing his job. Im gonna listen to Jesus Is King when it drops with open faith. I want to get out of this path of destruction to spite everyone praying on my downfall in the face. I’ll face f*** anyone against me. Kanye, show me the light.

The reason I’m telling you all this is cause I feel comfortable letting out all my inner feelings about how I have truly been here. My family doesn’t know I despise them. I’ve dropped hints but they don’t get it. I might flee the state, but idk where. I’ve got connections in every coast.

hey bruh i would message you. don't think that's a feature of the site yet.

but anytime you want you can come itt and we can talk about thugger discography because consistently focusing on the small pleasures is what gets me back on track when i feel down. and i've felt very down.

and don't take whatever memory pills that sounds dumb af you gonna be cherishing even the s***tiest memories in a few years trust me

OP shouldn’t be getting memed and anyone that does is a piece of s***

whats going on in this forum

take care of yourself op ❤️

OP I was depressed and suicidal, and I missed nearly four years of my life.

I would walk along the outdoor skywalk on campus and lean over the edge, thinking about committing suicide in front of my peers. I get inadequate and like a failure around them.

Then I headed to the woods for half of year, doing construction work in the middle of nowhere. This forced me to close my world to a small group of 20 men. I made my best friends.

But my depression didn’t go away, even after returning home. I felt like I was slipping back into my old mental habits.

Then I realized it happening. I was winning against my negative thoughts. I was making changes.

Tonight marks three months since my last suicidal fantasy. I went to the screening tonight with my girl, and then we made out for more than two hours in a parking lot waiting for JIK to drop. Made her c***through her tights 🙏.

What worked for me is that I told myself that “I am free”, just like Kanye. I didn’t believe it for months. I felt like I would hit rock-bottom again. Finally, one day I realized I won.

Good luck OP. If this thread ends soon, I want you to revive it in 2020 when you’ve become free.

keep going

religion is not the answer to your problems

— blout monocle

Also, I took started my fourth-out-of-five anti-depressant the day that KSG dropped.

None of them worked, but one Ye album later and I’m better.

I believe in you OP

Listen to 2pac's "Hail Mary" 16 times in a row for forgiveness, my sweet child.

imma keep it real with you i didnt read this but sending love your way op youre doing great. good times are ahead.

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