WE BACK IN THIS BOYS

WHERE MY BENDER BOYS AT ?

🙋‍♂️

had a legendary graduation bender couple days ago

I won’t stop until I can’t breathe

Meth bong water with a hint of lime

4 DAY BENDER COMPLETED

LIKE OLYMPIAN

On one rn and I ain’t talking futurama

Sippin on cold truth

sippin TUICA

plastered

goddamn think I have hennesy instead of blood

Chasin you like a shot of whiskey

Been going nuts today with drinking, nitrous and yayo. It’s 230 am and I gotta work in 5 hours. At this point gonna pull an all nighter and sleep like a baby tomorrow. Gonna try and go fully sober once I close on my house this weekend. I really need to pick up healthier habits but I’m surrounded by bad things

Gonna force myself to go hermit mode for a bit and work on the house/focus on positive things and surround myself with people who don’t indulge in drinking d**** when I need to socialize. Just sucks that I have legitimately one sober friend and I lack self control when the party favors come out when around my friends. I wish I had the strength to say no but its f***ing tough.

I have to do better, depression been beating my ass and I use these things as an escape and it’s only making me feel worse about myself. I am extremely lucky to be in the position I’m at and need to love myself and be proud of what I’ve done and what I’m doing.

Not proud at all with indulging in bullshit every weekend, feel like a junkie addict and I don’t need to slip any further into unhealthy habits. I would love to be able to be happy with myself and the life I live but I carry so much trauma that I mask and utilize substances to cope with, therapy and meds only do so much.

Excited for this next chapter I just gotta focus on becoming the confident, strong man I know I can be. I come from s*** with help from nobody. My own parents can’t do s*** for me, my mother constantly asks me for money (she always pays me back but it still hurts) & my dad ain’t s***. I asked him for some money recently as a joke and his response was “you have more money than me I can’t do anything for you. Being able to take care of myself and help when I can is a good feeling but I feel extremely alone and have nobody I could go to if things go south for me.

Working 6-7 days a week 60+ hours for the past damn near decade has taken a huge toll on my physical and mental health but work truly is one of the few things that’s makes me happy and feel worthy and appreciated but it’s consumed me and I find little to no enjoyment in things I once loved. My job is extremely exhausting and I lack motivation once I’m off the clock to take time to do things that make me happy. Most i do these days is go out to eat and hit the beach, love food and hearing waves crash but i have basically given up on all things that im genuinely interested/somewhat talented at ie skateboarding and making beats.

I’m yoked out rambling but I am simply craving genuine happiness and I know it starts with self love, I just need to focus on myself and give myself the love and credit I deserve for creating a pretty damn good life for myself.

I’ve been lurking ktt since 2010 (tried to make an account and was never able to for some reason) & been a member of ktt2 since the migration. Site has definitely seen better days but I’ll always love everyone on here that I’ve been fortunate to interact with. I feel fortunate to feel safe enough to vent on here

Day drinking again