Noir

5y

I finished my psych degree 7 years ago but ended up teaching English instead of being a school psychologist, so take my opinion with a grain of salt:

Sounds a lot like dysthymia to me, and that's usually a signal that it's time to search for meds that do allow you to feel like a person. Have you had any good patches in the last 10 years or has it all felt basically the same? Considering your age, I'm sure there have been plenty of shakeups for you in that time.

The search for consistent satisfaction and peace of mind is long and difficult. It takes failing over and over, waiting for something to click. Failed meds, failed counselors, failed career paths. The reward comes in those moments where you do legitimately feel great. If that reward never comes, it starts to be time to consider what's going on with you chemically.

If you're not overly interested in therapy or meds, I suggest you meditate for a bit. Read about transcendental meditation, which is really good about honing in on your thoughts in a non judgmental way. If you really stop and listen to what's bugging you, you'll be able to come up with a solution.

fiveprestos

5y

best of luck on your trails kub

Kub

5y

Whenever I do have something good happen in my life I'm always looking over my shoulder and not really being in the present. My joy for things last for a very small duration and the joy isn't really intense at all.

Say there's a scale where -1 is the worst, 0 neutral, 1 the absolute best; Every time I'm feeling down (majority of the time) it's so easy to hit the -1 mark but whenever anything great happens to me I can maybe make it to like a .4 at the most?

I try to meditate but my living situation is bad and I cannot keep my concentration due to noise and stuff but yeah I think I need to revisit meds/therapy combo and see if it's any effective this time around

Noir

5y

What do you mean by looking over your shoulder? I saw that pop up in another post. Are you afraid of something or someone or are you just kind of waiting to feel like s*** again so you can't really live in the moment?

GoodFella

5y

You gon be iight

First step is to stop the self pity

Kub

5y

I understand that all emotions are temporary and you cannot always feel something forever and it's stupid to wait for the feeling to fade but I cannot help but feel all of the negative emotions hanging over my head when I'm happy

Kub

5y

4.0 this semester, got top yesterday from this girl off tinder, job interview at a nice place on tuesday, moving to a new house next month

but i wanna f***ing off myself

im not close w my fam, i don't have many friends, i dont kick it w people really, i dont know how to make new friends, I haven't been in a relationship in awhile and i feel lonely, I hate going on meds cause I don't feel like a person

im goin to school to be a psychologist but how can i be one if im miserable all my life

Noir

5y

It's good that you understand the temporality of emotions because, yeah, they're really not something you can count on. My counselor has been working hard with me to think of thoughts and emotions like you're describing in a very impersonal way, like it's a s***post on KTT that you can choose to ignore. They're coming from you, but they're not really who you are. They're a product and no more. Don't take them personally.

What kind of person do you want to be? Do you think you deserve to be happy? Do you want to rebuild that image of yourself as the guy who feels like s*** all the time? Being like yeah, sure, isn't going to solve anything by itself, but there are a lot of people out there who think they're dogshit and deserve to suffer. They need to approach therapy differently from someone who wants to practice self care but feels defeated.

I don't know if it would help, but I went through a 2 year period exactly like you're describing and what helped me was making friends. Turns out that I'm an extrovert and need people to feel happy. 2020 has been hard for me. I'm sure the thing that turns s*** around for you is out there somewhere.

Bo Ceephus

5y

Fam if you can succeed at all this s***, im sure making friends cant be that hard.

Clearly you can be sociable if you just getting dome like that.

Im sure if you put the energy into making friends that you carry with all your other endeavors you would be successful in that too

tunemoon

5y

Graduated uni with 4.0 GPA
Got a good job related to my studies right after I graduated making good money

Have 0 friends essentially.
Not close with family. Cut alot of them off this year.
Never been in any relationship.

But f*** taking meds or any type of help. I've come to accept that that's just what life is for me. If it gets better then hey great otherwise I can care less I'ma do me. F*** that miserable s*** if you really wanna change your life then I'm sure you can make the effort to do so.

Kub

5y

thanks for the hype brother but idk im just awkward fr when I wanna be friends w someone I just never know what to say

Kub

5y

congrats g but why don't you want any sort of help? It's not a bad thing to receive even if it's something minimal like therapy once a week or something

Kub

5y

I can be flakey sometimes and I think I'm inconsistent with friendships but I let them know what's going on or what I'm feeling but other than that I think I deserve happiness to a degree

I am introverted for the most part so it's hard to meet new people or say something to others if I don't know them but I do put a lot of energy into the people in my life

Bo Ceephus

5y

I mean friends build with chemistry. Trust me, i always have the worst first impression with almost every single person i meet. Makes job interviews difficult. I stick to general things until i find a point in a conversation where i can build on their interests or things i know about.

Generally it helps to let other people do the talking until you can gauge how to react. People feel more invested when they're putting alot out there. Reward them with that by kind of nurturing their ideas unless you just really disagree with where theyre going.

It works for the most part with me anyway. Also not everybody is meant to be friends. Sometimes you just have to find that one person you have alot in common with

tunemoon

5y

Because I don't need it.

If I want to get out of the situation I'm in I can put in the effort and do so. You can say I've got used to the loneliness to the point where I don't mind it anymore and maybe even enjoy it.

Kub

5y

nah i definitely feel u with that on the first impressions lol I'm just soft spoken and very relaxed in person so I just feel like I'm a bore to others

I just feel like everything feels so forced when trying to connect w someone and I hate it so I avoid it n just end up lonely

Noir

5y

I'll leave you with this scene because I love it and it's been going through my head a lot this morning:

Love and respect yourself enough to keep pushing. It'll click for you if you work out a plan (possibly with a therapist) and stick with it. The hard part is sticking with it.

Props btw for responding to everyone in here and engaging with your mental health so directly. Not everyone can or will.

Bo Ceephus

5y

Socializing is a skill like any other fam. You gotta build on that and not tap out. You dont seem weird as f*** in this thread so youre prolly not that bad irl jusy prolly dont know what to say. Good luck fam dont give up on it.

Kub

5y

Is step two to be happy

Kub

5y

That's fair if you're capable of doing that then that's what's up but yeah I enjoy my alone time a lot but sometimes I just want the company of someone even if we not talking, you never get that?